Back to Balamb
by Kaerith
Summary: Three years after time compression, Seifer returns to the Garden where Squall's recovering from an abusive relationship. Slash: SxS. Complete
1. Discovery

Author's Notes:  


Buenos dias! Couple notes here: This is the Revised Version of "Back to Balamb." Nothing has really changed from the original version; just some spelling and punctuation errors and a couple chapters' notes have a little "director commentary" concerning the background of that chapter.

I beg your forgiveness for the OOC-ness and bad story/chapter titles. This was the first multi-chapter fanfic I had ever written, and it still remains the longest.

And, sadly, the characters and world of Final Fantasy VIII do not belong to me. If they did I would have moved out of my parents' house and Seifer, Irvine, Squall, and Zell would be changing the lightbulbs, mowing the lawn, and helping with other chores bare-chested while Quistis, Selphie, Rinoa and I would watch and coo admiringly and offer them lemonade.

Please enjoy, and I would love to see your thoughts and comments.

*****

CHAPTER 1: DISCOVERY  
SELPHIE:

"Aww, aren't you just the cutest thing!" I squealed, cuddling my new white chocobo to my chest. I was walking back to my apartment after cruising around the farmer's market. _What should I name her?_

It had been three years since we had fought Ultimecia; two since I had retired from SeeD. I had been living in Fisherman's Horizon since then leaving the Garden, in a small apartment. I was living off my pension and the various odd jobs I picked up around town. Basically, I was the person people called when they needed something from out of town. Since the Lunar Cry not too many people were willing to travel. For example, my last job was to go to Centra to get a plant the mayor needed for an "experiment." Yeah, I knew it was just a drug he wanted to add to his little 'garden,' but gil was gil. 

As I was walking up the stairs of my building, I heard the phone ringing. "Hold on!" I unlocked the door, rushed in the living room, and punched a button. A blonde woman's picture came up on the screen. "Quistis, hi! I just got back from the market. Look what I got!" I held up my new pet toward the camera.

"A white chocobo? What did you name it?"

"Haven't yet. How's everything goin' back at Garden? How's Squall and Zell?"

"Zell's fine. It's Squall I'm worried about." Quisty pulled off her glasses, and propped her head up with one hand.

I wrinkled my forehead. "Worried? Why?"

Quistis sighed. "He's gotten more and more depressed. He's completely shut himself off from everyone."

"What else is new?" I rolled my eyes. "How is that different from usual? I love the guy, Quisty, but Squall isn't exactly Mr. Sociable."

"You remember that he was going out with Rian?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that hunky guy from Galbadia Garden. Did they break up? Squall was so into him."

"They broke up," Quistis sighed again.

"Bummer. How long were they together? Eight months?" She nodded. _Poor Squall_. Everyone is allowed their insecurities, but Squall with his fragile trust…. Every broken relationship caused him to become nearly suicidal.

The blonde knew what was going through my mind. "Could you please come for a visit soon? We need your energy."

Despite my sadness about Squall, I giggled. I know that I am _extremely_ hyper-active. I also know how much that gets on people's nerves. "Yeah, I can come up in about a week."

"Thanks, Selph." Quisty gave me a relieved grin. "I'll call you in a few days."

"Okay. Say… how's Nida doing?" I asked slyly. She and Nida had been a couple for the past few weeks. Quistis blushed a little bit. I _love_ teasing her about Nida. _She's like my big sister, y'know. I love her to death, but she can be such a prude. _

"Fine. Has Pol recovered from your-"

"Touché!" I giggled, cutting her off. _With my help Quisty's getting better._ "Talk to ya in a few days!" I waved and signed off. Carefully, I set the choco down on my armchair. I moseyed over to the kitchenette to put the greens in the fridge and get a scone. I took a bite, casually glancing out the window.

"Phhbbtt!" Crumbs flew onto the glass. _Ohmygosh! That guy over there… that's Seifer!_ I dropped my snack and ran out of my apartment and across the street.

He was wearing torn jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. He had grown out his hair and added light streaks. He leaned against a shop, smoking. "Ohmygosh! What are you doing here?!" I ambushed him, throwing my arms around his chest and squeezing.

Seifer exhaled sharply, dropping his cigarette. _"Selphie?!"_

"Come on, come on! Let's go up to my place!" I grabbed his hand and started dragging him across the street. I think he was too shocked to put up a fight. I got him into my living room and shut the door. I turned and giggled at his expression. Yep, he's shocked all right.

"It's so good to see you! We've all been wondering if you'd survived the time compression thingy and where you were!" I hugged him again, feeling myself start to tear up.

SEIFER:

I patted Selphie gingerly on her back. "Well, I'm alive." I watched as she stood back and sniffled, running the back of her hand across her eyes. "I figured it'd be best if I kept low for awhile."

"But for three _whole_ years?! Man, we've missed you so much! Me, Quistis, even Zell and Squall."

"Yeah, I've missed you guys too. I thought you all hated me, though."

She shook her head vigorously. "I never did. Neither did Quisty, or Zell. Well, Zell had never liked you since you picked on him so much, but he never hated you. We all wanted you home."

I noticed she didn't mention Squall never hating me, but didn't say anything. I just dropped onto the sofa. "So how's everyone doing?"

"Quistis is in charge of Balamb Garden now. Um… Zell and Squall are still SeeDs at Balamb…" Selphie rolled her eyes up and bit her bottom lip while she thought. "Irvine's working as Laguna's bodyguard. Rinoa's married to this one Galbadian officer… what's his name…" she frowned.

I studied her cute face while she talked. Her hair was longer, lighter, and layered instead of flipped. Her forehead displayed a few thought wrinkles, and her nose freckles. She didn't have on any make-up. Most of all she looked happy. She continued listing people from Garden. _Man, she must keep in touch with everyone to have this much info._ Finally her spiel seemed to come to an end.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I retired from SeeD two years ago and moved here." I heard a soft noise and she picked up a white chocobo chick, stroking it gently. "Isn't she _cute?!_" Selphie squealed, shoving it two inches from my nose. 

"Um, yeah," I replied while I rolled my eyes. She giggled.

"Hold her for a second," she placed it in my hands and bounced to the kitchen behind me. I stroked the choco's neck with my thumb. _She is kinda cute_, I thought. 

I looked around the apartment. Three rooms: living/kitchen, bathroom, and probably a bedroom behind the closed door. The place was actually neat. _Except, probably, the bedroom._ It looked well lived-in with comfortable second-hand furniture. The walls were decorated with a couple sets of nunchuku and framed photos I was too far away to examine.

"Here are some greens," the small brunette said as she came back into view. "I just got her today and haven't named her yet. Any ideas, Seifer?"

I shrugged. "I'm not good at naming things." I handed the bird back to her and she began feeding it the greens.

"Okay then," Selphie tilted her head, studying the chocobo. "Hmm…. How about Juil? You like that?" she asked it. Apparently the chick gave some kind of affirmative answer, 'cuz she nodded, satisfied_. I didn't expect her, or anyone, to immediately be this comfortable around me._ It was really refreshing after three years of being hated, or worse, completely ignored.

She looked back up at me. "So, Seifer, where have you been the past three years?"

"Traveling, mostly. I spent some time with Fujin and Raijin in Balamb, then kept moving from city to city. I was in Esthar last."

"How long are you planning on being in FH? You _have_ to stay with me for a while, long enough for us to catch up. Oh, wait," she smacked her forehead, "I'm gonna be leaving in a week." Her disappointment didn't last long, "You can come with me! Ohmygosh, that is a great idea!" She jumped up and did her little happy dance.

I waved my hands. "Hold on, hold on! I didn't say I was staying or going with you. Where are you going?"

Selphie sobered quickly and sat back down. "I'm going to visit Balamb Garden. Quisty just phoned and said that Squall's latest squeeze just broke up with him, and he's getting all suicidal again." She sighed, "Every serious breakup is really hard on Squall, y'know? It's really hard for him to trust people, and when they end the relationship…" She looked really sad as she trailed off. "Every time it gets worse. He's already tried to kill himself four times since time comp." That doesn't surprise me. Squall was always emotionally vulnerable. No matter how much he'll deny it.

"Then maybe I shouldn't show up. It might just put him over the edge." Too bad, I kind of wanted to see Quistis, Zell, Squall, and the Garden again. I didn't want to indirectly kill Squall, though_. He may be my rival, but I don't want him to end it like that._ "I want to see Garden again, but I can put it off for another few months."

She still looked sad. "I guess so…. You probably want to see everyone really bad, huh? It has been three years."

I smiled, trying to cheer her up. "Yeah. Is it okay if I stay here awhile? Until you leave? I don't need a lot of room, I'll clean up after myself, and you can show me everything there is about Fisherman's Horizon." It's so nice to be with a friendly person. _I hope she doesn't mind me begging a room from her. It would beat a sleazy hotel or bush._

"Of course it's okay!" Selphie brightened up a bit. "I don't have much room, and you'll have to sleep on the sofa. Since I don't have much of value laying around, you could also stay here while I visit Balamb."

I gave her a mock glare, "Don't trust me alone with your valuables, huh?" She responded by leaping over and tickling me.


	2. A Phone Call

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray.

CHAPTER 2: A PHONE CALL  
SELPHIE:

Seifer left all his stuff except Hyperion behind the couch and we walked around FH, talking. I studied his face and movements. He was still muscular and tanned, but he was skinnier. His eyes looked around as if he was expecting people to come jumping around corners. Being the blunt person that I am, I asked him about it.

"Oh, some people just don't appreciate that the Sorceress' Knight is still roaming around," He acted casual about it, but I noticed his wince before he managed to hide it.

I stopped. After a few steps Seifer paused and turned. I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "Have people tried to hurt you? Kill you?"

He loosened my grip. I guess I was holding on tightly. "Yeah," he said softly, looking me in the eyes. He gave a small shrug, and glanced away. "I expected that, once I came out of Ultimecia's control. By the way," he glared at me, "I _was_ under her control."

I stood on my tippy-toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "We knew you were. Squall, Zell, Quistis, and the rest. We talked about it after the parade in Deling City. It was easy for those of us who knew you that you were acting different." I hugged him after seeing the relief in his eyes. "Uh oh." I said, spying a figure coming towards us from over his shoulder. Seifer jumped away, reaching for his gunblade. "It's okay," I told him.

Pol came striding over to me. "Who is this?" He glared at Seifer then at me.

"A friend I haven't seen in over three years, Pol." I kept cool. Pol and I had been going out for… five months now, I think.

"A _friend_?" Pol spat. "Your neighbor just told me a blond man is staying with you. I presume this is him, or do you have _two_ other 'friends' from out of town?"

I rolled my eyes. "This is Seifer, my friend who's staying with me for a week. Then he'll be house-sitting while I go on a trip. Seifer, this is Pol, my current boyfriend. Now that you two have met, Pol, would you please leave us to our conversation?"

Grumpily, Pol muttered, "I have to be there in a couple minutes anyway." Raising his voice he said," Well, I _would_ say it's been nice to meet you, but… Yeah. I'll talk to you later, Selph." He stomped away.

I giggled. "I didn't know he was the jealous type. Well, then again, considering how he is in bed-" Seifer looked shocked. I looked at him. "What?"

"I always had you pegged as someone guys would use in a relationship, but you seem to be the one doing the whipping." He grinned.

I batted my eyelashes innocently at him. "What, did you think I was just a cute little girl who doesn't know a thing about men?" He threw back his head and laughed.

"If I did, I don't now." He replied. We smiled and I linked arms with him. "Where to now, Miss Tour Guide?"

QUISTIS:

I removed my glasses and pinched the bridge of my nose. Being headmistress of Balamb Garden was a lot more boring than being an instructor. At first I was surprised that the thing I miss most is the interaction with students; I always thought of myself as a loner. I guess I matured and opened up while we went on our mission to defeat Ultimecia.

There was a knock at my door. "Come in," I said as I put my glasses back on my nose. Zell entered. 

"Hey, Quis, I was wondering if you wanted to join Squall and me for dinner." He bounced on his toes as he spoke.

"Good mood, hmm?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He stopped bouncing and blushed. "Were you busy this afternoon with that girl… what's her name… Neria?" His ears brightened. I decided to end his misery and changed the subject. "How's Squall doing?"

Zell shook his head. "Better, but Dr. Kadowaki released him from the infirmary, but wants him to move into my room. She wants me to 'keep an eye on him.' We move his stuff after dinner." The embarrassment was fading from his face, replaced by worry.

"Selph will be coming in a few days, remember?" 

Zell nodded. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. It'll be nice to see her."

"Oh, I should call her tonight. Do you want to talk to her too?"

"Sure. You wanna hang out with me and Squall tonight? You can call her from my room."

"Alright," I agreed. "Let's go to dinner." I put my glasses back down on my desk and followed him out to the elevator. We spent the ride down in a comfortable silence. On the ground floor, walking towards the cafeteria I asked Zell about his mother. We chatted small talk until we got to the table where Squall was waiting. A loaded tray sat in front of him.

"Mind if we go straight to Zell's room to eat? I don't want to be around people now." I shot him a concerned look before saying that it was fine with me. Zell nodded, and we walked to the SeeD dormitories.

We sprawled and ate in Zell's room eating and watching an old vid. After finishing my salad I mentioned, "I should call Selphie before it gets too late in FH."

Zell nodded and paused the movie. "Sure, y'know where the vidphone is. Squall, wanna go get your stuff while the movie's paused?" 

Squall stood. "We'll be back in a few, Quis. All my stuff's boxed already." The two men left the room.

I stood and brushed crouton crumbs of my uniform. I walked over to the videophone and rang up Selphie's apartment. I arranged my hair while I waited for the connection.

"Hold on!" Selphie's voice chirped. A couple seconds later, the screen displayed her grinning face. "Hi Quisty! Look who I've got here!" She went out of view for a second, coming back onscreen towing a tall blonde. 

"Seifer!" I stood there, shocked. _Seifer's alive! Thank God!_ I scrutinized what I could see of the man on the screen. He was tanned and smiling. His eyes held a hint of wariness. _Probably a habit. I've heard of some "Sorceress' Knight sightings." Not many people are too happy seeing he's still alive_.

"You look good, Quistis." He stood there smiling nervously, with Selphie clutching his arm.

"So do you. I'm so happy that you made it through time compression. You took your time about calling, though," I beamed happily. My smile seemed to relax him a bit. _He's probably been thinking that we all hate him. I am so relieved that he's all right_. "Are you staying with Selphie?" I asked.

"Yeah! I saw him hanging around in FH and dragged him up here. That was the day you called, when I got Juil." Selph answered. _Hmm, so there is no telling how much longer he would have waited before contacting us. If ever_. That made me really sad. _Seifer is part of my family. Him, Selph, Squall, Irvine, and Zell are the closest to family I have_. 

"Got what?" What, or who, is Juil?

"Juil, my white choco."

"Oh." I turned back to Seifer. "Are you coming over to the Garden to visit with Selphie? I would love to see you again. I've been so worried about you. So have Squall and Zell."

Seifer shrugged and dropped his smile. "Selph told me about how Squall is. I figure that I should wait a few months so I don't push him totally over the edge."

Hmm… What would Squall's reaction to seeing Seifer be? They were rivals, but I know for a fact that Squall had hoped Seifer was okay after Time Compression. And I also have an inkling that they both care for the other deeply and need to see each other again. I sighed aloud. I just don't know if now is the time… Squall already has more than enough to deal with. "I don't want to wait longer to see you, but maybe it is a good idea," I said reluctantly. Right then I heard the sounds of laden footsteps coming down the hall. "Squall and Zell are returning, would you at least like to talk to them?"

Seifer hesitated. "I want to, do you think it's a good ide-" The door opened.

"We're back. Still on the phone, Quis?" Zell entered the room first. "Holy- Seifer!" He stopped suddenly, eyes widened over the cardboard box he had in his arms. Squall's box gently hit him from behind.

"What?" Squall's voice came out muffled from behind the box.

I noticed Seifer looked like a geezard in the headlights. Still, he laughed, albeit weakly. "So I'm holy now, Chicken?"

Zell just dropped his load on the bed and jogged up to the screen. "Don't call me that! I'm happy to see you, though."

Worried, I looked back to see how Squall was faring. He, too, had dropped his box on the bed. He stood, frozen, just out of view of the videophone's camera. I nudged Zell, and gave him a meaningful look back towards the brunette. I walked back to Squall, and touched his shoulder. "Seifer's alive," I said softly. Squall shrugged my hand off and walked toward the screen.

"Seifer?" He studied the man on the screen, "So. You're alive after all." 


	3. Talking to Seifer

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray.

CHAPTER 3: TALKING TO SEIFER  
SEIFER:

I looked at Squall's image on the vidscreen. He looked like hell; he was thin, pale, and had dark circles under his eyes. _It's almost… sad… how he's standing there, trying to look all imposing_. "Yeah, I'm still alive," I said neutrally. 

SQUALL:

__

Seifer's alive. I felt a change in my emotions. It's like I'm getting back something I've needed since time compression that I never knew I was missing until now, when it appears. _Did that make sense? I know how I feel; I just can't describe it_. I stood there, looking my longtime rival whom I had actually missed. All the depression and guilt I had been feeling from my past four serious relationships kind of floated away. My eyes took in all the minor details of Seifer's face; the new wrinkles, cuts from shaving, his longer hairstyle, the lighter streaks in his hair. I studied the scar I had made. My matching scar tingled as I thought about it. _Damn, he looks good. Better than good_.

When I finally got the nerve to look straight into his eyes, I stared. Trying to get to the mind behind them, maybe. I visibly saw his guards go down, the shields keeping true feelings hidden. I was caught in a swirl of the emotions he had endured since Ultimecia. Relief, pain, sadness, hunger, fear, FEAR, contentment, satisfaction, surprise, relief, pain… the speed of them grew faster until I didn't have time to put the feelings into words. I just felt the blurred pangs go by without labeling them. 

Then they stopped. The shields were back up. I shook my head to rid myself of the lingering essence. It was kind of like knowing what it was like to have been Seifer these past few years, only at high speed.

The whole… communion must have lasted only a moment, because the next thing I heard was Selphie saying "Yup, he's alive!" and seeing her squeeze Seifer. She softened and said to me, "Do you want Seifer to come to the Garden with me this week?" Quistis had probably asked Selphie to come up because of my breakup with Rian.

"Whatever." I shrugged, trying to keep my voice as even as Seifer's had been.

Zell had raised his fists. "I would like to see you, Seifer, but if you call me chicken-wuss while you're here, I'll beat you into a bloody pulp!" Seifer just grinned evilly. Selphie did her little 'tee-hee' thing, Quistis and I just smiled a little bit. Zell grinned a little bit, too, trying not to let his expression cancel out his threat.

"I guess it's up to you, Miss Headmistress." Seifer said. I could feel Quistis looking at the back of my head. She worries about me too much. Getting no response from me, Quistis agreed.

"It's fine with me. I'll just have to fill out a couple extra forms. Um… do you want to visit under an alias? Some SeeDs and cadets may not be happy with you here."

"Sure," Seifer slouched in the trenchcoat he was wearing. Black and unmarked. Very unlike his traditional gray one. "How about I pose as your cousin, Quis? We look alike enough. How 'bout… Kevin Trepe?"

Quistis giggled. _Unusual. She must really be happy that Seifer's finally contacted us_. "Okay, Kevin." She looked at her watch. "Oops, I gotta run."

"Going to see Nida, huh?" Selphie teased. Quistis' cheeks turned a light pink. "Give him my regards." Selph tee-heed again, as Quistis waved and left Zell's room. She looked at me, sympathy in her brown eyes. "Squall, you doing okay, buddy?"

I ignored her question. "It'll be nice to see you guys. I gotta pick up more of my stuff." Raising a hand over my shoulder, I turned and walked out the door.

SEIFER:

"Is he okay, Zell?" Selphie asked the tattooed blonde. Zell shrugged.

"Dr. Kadowaki ordered him to move in with me. She wants someone to make sure he isn't gonna slit his fuckin' wrists again." _Wow. If Zell's this upset, Squall must really be bad_, I thought. _Wait… slit his wrists again_?! I felt a stab of something in my chest. Pity? Guilt? Sadness? Maybe a mingling of those feelings and more. I shook my head and sighed. "What?" Zell asked me.

My shoulders jerked a little. "Poor Squall. He's so… fragile, emotionally."

Selphie nodded slowly, sadly. So did Zell as he commented "You better not let him hear you say that. He'd try to prove you wrong."

"Yeah." Was all I said. Selph gave me another squeeze.

"We'll be over there in a few days. Keep him alive 'til then, 'kay?"

Zell mockingly saluted Selphie. "Aye, aye, cap'n!" He sobered. "Seifer, I'm glad that you're okay. Quis and Squall are, too." He began to bounce on his toes, "I can't wait to see ya!"

"You, too, Zell." I replied.

"Yeah, so see ya later!" Selphie chirped. Zell nodded, and turned off the vidphone. "Poor Squall," she said, turning away from the phone unit. I put an arm around her shoulders.

"Zell'll take care of him till we get there." She nodded. I looked around for something to cheer her up. "Juil looks a little hungry, Selph."

"Oooh!" She leapt over to the couch where the white bird was standing. "She's standing up!" She squealed. I winced. _Nice choice of a distraction_. Selphie fussed over her pet.

"Can I get ready for bed, Selph?"

"Sure," she lifted the choco off the couch and cuddled it to her chest. "Night, Seifer."

"Good night, Sel." I planted a brotherly kiss on the top of her head. She walked to her bedroom, pausing to retrieve some greens from the cooler.

I got ready for bed, made up the couch, and turned off the light. Laying down in my boxers I thought about that instant of silent communication with Squall. _Why did I let my barriers down?_ I closed my eyes, remembering what I was thinking and feeling at the time. Shocked at how awful my rival had looked. Wanting to share my pain with him. _You are not alone. I am not alone. We are alike, two of a kind_. Letting my mind wonder, I fell asleep.


	4. Arrival at Balamb

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 4: ARRIVAL AT BALAMB

SEIFER:

I slowly woke as the train pulled into the station at Balamb. _No dreams. I never have dreams_. I got up to look for Selphie. She was in her usual spot, mindlessly stroking a sleepy Juil, and humming her little train song. I rolled my eyes. _As amazing as it is that a trained killer can be so child-like_, I thought, _it sure can get on your nerves_. "Hey, Selph, we're here." She broke out of her trance.

"Goody!" she chirped, and began jumping up and down. I smiled tolerantly and held her down with one hand.

"C'mon, girlie, let's get out bags." Quistis had arranged for us to have the SeeD room on the train when she bought the tickets. Not that Selphie cared; she spent the whole time standing in the aisle looking out the window.

We entered the compartment. Selphie tucked the chocobo into the front chest pocket of her jumper, and picked up two bags. I grabbed my single duffel. We walked down the aisle to the nearest door and stepped down onto the platform. "QUISTY!" Selphie shrieked, and ran toward the Balamb headmistress. I looked to where she was running and saw Quistis, Zell, and Squall waiting. I hung back until Selphie had given everyone hugs. I took a deep breathe to steady my nerves, and casually sauntered over.

"Um… hi, everyone." I said. "Oomph!" I looked down to see that Quistis had wrapped her arms around me tightly. I squeezed her back, blinking back tears. I hadn't expected such a welcome from her. _Damn, I've really missed her. I guess she's really missed me, too. At least I knew she was alive_. Guilt. "I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was alive." Quistis pulled back and looked up at me. She had tears on her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Quis," I repeated softly. I pulled her back to my chest as more tears started falling.

"It's so good to see you, Seifer. I've missed you." I rubbed her back. "I've missed you too." After a moment she stood back, wiping her cheeks but beaming happily. Zell stepped up.

"Hey, man, welcome back." He started to do his little pre-handshake dance, blowing on his gloved hand and all that, but I stopped him with a hug. "Thanks, chicken." He bounced back, playfully raising his fists. I pretended to give him a cuff to his head. Selphie and Quistis rolled their eyes. My grin faded when I turned to Squall.

Squall was standing back in the shadows, looking like a shadow himself with all his dark clothing. So pale and so skinny. "Hey, Squall," I said, holding out my hand. _He can make the first move_.

"Seifer." He stepped forward, wincing a little as the sun hit his eyes. I was surprised when he gripped my hand tightly. "It's nice to see you again." He sounded sincere. My eyebrows raised a bit, but I just said, "You too." We stood there a moment, looking each other in the eye. Finally I dropped his hand and turned toward Quistis, Selph, and Zell. "Are we ready to go?"

Quistis nodded. We started walking through Balamb toward the edge of town. Quistis dropped back to walk next to me, while Selphie skipped between Squall and Zell, each carrying a bag, ahead. I put an arm around Quistis' shoulders. "You alright?"

She nodded. "Yes." We were silent for awhile, then she said, "I had heard about Sorceress' Knight sightings. Balamb, Deling City, Esthar…" she trailed off.

"I spent some time in Balamb after time compression," I said. "With Raij and Fu. Then I spent some time just traveling. You'd never guess where I spent the next year." I grinned. "The Shumi village. They actually welcomed me and promised to keep my presence there a secret. Of course, I had to help with some mining and gardening and stuff. I liked it there; always calm and quiet. The only thing I didn't like was not seeing the actual sky."

"Why did you leave?"

I shrugged, dropped my grin. "A tourist came and recognized me. I left before he could make a big ruckus." She nodded. "Then I stayed in Esthar for awhile. Ten days ago I arrived in FH and Selphie spotted me."

"Are you glad that she did?" Quistis asked.

I looked down at her, "Yeah," then I looked ahead at Squall. The trio had reached the car. "It may not be the best time, though."

Quistis shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not," she said ambiguously. "Come on, Cousin Kevin." She smiled and walked over to the driver's side of the vehicle.

SQUALL:

Zell, Seifer, and I sat in the back of the car. Selphie rode shotgun. Luckily, this car had two back seats facing each other, so we didn't have to cram the three of us into one seat. Zell and Seifer sat facing forward while I rode backward. _With the rest of the luggage_, I thought dryly. Quistis and the others were right; my self-confidence reached a new low with every breakup. I knew it, but didn't really care. I made myself go numb. The nickname "ice prince" applied to more than my aloofness.

As the two men across from me talked, I thought about my latest lover, Rian. Tall, blond, wide-shouldered. He was from Galbadia Garden; a pole fighter. His favorite weapon was a lance he had dubbed "Ripper." _That's the kind of guy he was under his sensitive act: forceful and self-assured. Not the perfect guy for me, I'll admit. I just wanted to feel something from someone_. I sighed. The two blondes looked up at me.

"What was that, Squall?" Zell asked. "Nothing," I replied. They continued with their conversation.

I studied Seifer, my lifelong rival. _Kinda funny that he's the closest thing to a best friend that I've had my whole life. If a best friend means someone who has known you for a long time and knows things about you that you didn't, then, yeah, that's Seifer_.

Seifer was _hot_, really hot. His blond hair was longer than it had been the last time I saw him, _an improvement_, I noted. He was still muscular, and broad shouldered. His chest muscles were covered by a clinging black shirt. It was tight enough for me to see his nipples. I avoided looking at his crotch, letting my eyes wander down to his legs, noticing the gorgeous thighs. _If he wasn't Seifer, I'd be all over him like… a… I can't think up a good analogy right now. Too distracted_. I mentally laughed at myself. Instead, I strained to hear what Quistis and Selphie were saying. "… I found Juil being sold by a woman in FH. She had all sorts of other animals, but this little cutie caught my eye right away. Didn't you sweetie?" Juil… ah, yes, her white choco. 

"I always wanted one, but the Garden doesn't allow pets. Oh, can Juil stay quiet in your room? I just don't want anyone to know I'm allowing you to keep your pet while you stay here."

"Quisty, you're actually breaking the rules!" Selphie squealed, "I am sooo proud of you! See, I'm loosening you up!"

"Actually, chocobos have higher intelligence than most animals, and were never specifically mentioned in the rule book. So I am just bending the rules."

"I still say that I'm rubbing off on you, Quisty!" I rolled my eyes and focused on what Zell and Seifer were saying.

"…In issue number five of Weapons Monthly…" I tuned out quickly. _My thoughts have almost always been more interesting, anyway_. I looked out the window. _Almost back to the Garden_. Unfortunately, I still had to share a room with Zell. He was pretty cool about it, actually. I just hated sharing a room. Especially with hyper gluttons. _At least he can go to his girlfriend's room. So I get it to myself for a few hours every week_. His girlfriend, Neria, was actually a really sweet, friendly girl. I just wonder how a mellow girl like that can be so compatible with a energetic guy like him. _Life's full of mysteries. Like why do guys have nipples?_ That thought immediately reminded me of Seifer's, so I tried to distract myself with the scenery again.

SELPHIE:

__

Home, home, home! I sang to myself. Even though I had left Garden two years ago, and had lived in Trabia Garden longer, there was just something about Balamb. A friendliness and eagerness. Like you could just sit down with anyone and tell them your whole life story. _If you can remember your whole life story, 'cuz of the GFs_. Two years of not using any GFs had let some memories of my childhood resurface. _Like my stuffed rabbit, 'Wabby.' I wonder what happened to her?_ I hung on Quisty's arm, carrying one of my suitcases. I had put poor little Juil inside it. She was good, though, staying quiet. Zell carried my other bag.

As we walked through the front gate I ran up to the booth where the same grouchy old man sat. "Hi!" I shmooshed my nose against the glass and waved excitedly. "Remember me?! I left two years ago! I'm Selphie Tilmitt!"

He glared at me. "I never could forget you," he muttered. I stuck my tongue out at him. "C'mon, Sel!" Zell tapped my shoulder. One grouchy old man couldn't spoil my mood. _Home, home, home!_

"Easy, Selph," Seifer pushed down on my shoulder, stopping my bouncing.

"Okay, okay!" I jogged ahead of everybody, stopping to wait at the directory. The basement had been converted into dorms, weapon research, and a mailroom. "Weapon research? Cool!"

Quistis walked up behind me. "Nida's in charge of that." Her cheeks pinked. "They focus on adding an element to specific weapons to increase damage. Another unit studies battle magic techniques."

"Cool!" I said again. "Can I look around there sometime during my visit?" 

"I'll ask Nida if he will show you around." I did my little happy-dance. Everyone teases me about it, but I can't help it! Quistis just smiled at me. I spontaneously gave her another hug as Zell and Seifer walked up.

"Where's Squall?" Seifer asked. I looked around. No sign of the brunette. I shrugged. "Can you take us to our rooms? I need to let you-know-who out." 

Quisty nodded. "I'll check around for Squall before I head to my office. I'll meet you for dinner in the cafeteria."

"Yup, yup, yup!" I waved while she turned. "Okay, Zelly, where's my room?"

"Zelly?!" Seifer raised an eyebrow. _He's so cute when he does that! Cuter than usual, anyway._

"Did you two want one together?" Zell asked, blushing a little.

I rolled my eyes, and made a face. "We're not _together_," I said, emphasizing.

"I feel so loved," Seifer said, and sniffed dramatically. "Drama queen," I shot back at him, and burst into giggles.

"Ohh-kaayy," Zell drawled, rolling his eyes and turning towards the dorm wing.


	5. Squall Talks to Quistis

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 5: SQUALL TALKS TO QUISTIS

QUISTIS:

I walked to the Quad, where I thought Squall would be. It was the least populated place and easiest to hide unnoticed in a corner. I peered into a shadow and saw him sitting on a bench, facing away from the path. I stepped towards him. "Hey, Quis."

"How did you know it was me?" I asked as I sat down beside him, facing the path.

"I can feel your mothering instincts ten feet away," he joked. "Actually, I knew you would be the one looking for me, since Zell was carrying Selphie's bag."

"Hard seeing him again, huh?" Squall sighed. "Yeah, harder than I thought it'd be." I sat silently, waiting for him to start talking.

He shifted a little. "Well, last time I saw him, he was the enemy. We had been trying to kill each other since Deling City. Almost succeeded a few times, too." I didn't know whether he meant him or Seifer succeeded, but it didn't really matter. I patiently waited for the real reason to come out. "I've cut down on using GFs," He began, "A lot of memories are coming back. The orphanage… Sis… you know." I nodded. 

"We haven't always fought. Me and Seifer. We were friends for a while…" I didn't remember that, but I still had hung on to the most powerful GFs. I claim it is because I didn't want to entrust them to anyone else, SeeD or not, but it is really because I am lonely, even with Nida, and the most powerful GFs are the oldest and most intelligent. I can have actual conversations with them, unlike Ifirit or Shiva. Squall and Seifer being childhood friends doesn't surprise me.

I waited for him to go on, but he didn't. "What happened?"

Squall shook his head. "I don't know. I don't remember yet." He sighed again. We both sat for awhile; just sitting, not talking.

"He cares about you, you know?" I ventured after a long stretch of time. Squall turned his head in surprise. "He didn't want to come visit Garden while you are still getting over Rian. Didn't want to 'push you completely over the edge.' Seifer thought that you seeing him would make you even more depressed. He told me he was going to wait a few months before visiting, but then you and Zell came back in the room." I didn't know whether I should stop there or continue. I glanced sideways at Squall. He just looked thoughtful. Go for it, Quis, I told myself.

"You two are alike. Both of you are vulnerable, but hide it beneath facades. He with arrogance and bullying, you with your isolation and uncaring act. The similarities don't end there, though." _Is he going to start defending? Are his shields going to snap right back into place?_

I was surprised when Squall just laid his head on my shoulder. "I know we are," he said softly. "And thanks for caring, Quisty. You know… I do love you, you know." I wrapped an arm around him.

"I know," I whispered. "I love you, too."

ZELL:

"Wow, this is so big!" Selphie exclaimed, twirling in the middle of the room. She was talking about the size of the guest room she was staying in.

"Yeah," I said, "Quistis decided that the basement guest rooms could be made large with all the room down here." I went back over to the door. "I'll be right back. I'm just gonna show Seifer his room."

"Kay!" she trilled, retrieving her choco from her suitcase. She immediately started fussing over it.

"What's it with girls and small animals?" I asked Seifer when we were in the hallway. I figured he'd know, having dated more than I have.

"Mothering instincts?" he guessed. I shrugged, "Prob'ly." A couple doors down the hall, I stopped and unlocked a room.

"Here you go, " I handed him the card key for that room. 

"Eight-bee-ess" he read the room number. "What does 'BS' stand for?"

"Basement. Room eight," I replied.

"I got the room number eight, Zell."

"Hey," I stopped Seifer, "Man, thanks for not calling me chicken-wuss."

A blander version of that old grin came over his face. "The visit's just beginning…" he threatened. I raised my fists. "Aw, just kidding. Y'know, I got a chance to do a lot of soul-searching during my exile, and I decided that you're a decent guy. I know that I'm going to need all the allies I can get in the next few years."

I was startled. _Man, he's really changed if he can admit this stuff to me._ "Thanks, man," I lightly punched his shoulder. "We're cool." He nodded, and smiled. _Whoa! I'm not used to him smiling like this! All… nice and shit._ "We're gonna meet in the cafeteria at six. Rest, wander, whatever you want to do, Kevin." I grinned back at him. "See ya!" I started running back down the hall to poke my head in Selphie's room to tell her the same thing.

SEIFER:

__

Kevin Trepe. Right. With the welcome, I had almost forgotten I was supposed to be incognito. I set my duffel down on the bed. _Kinda sad that Zell is so surprised when I'm nice to him. Says a lot about who I was before Time Comp._


	6. Memories

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 6: MEMORIES

SQUALL:

"Hey, Squall." I looked up from the toy Ragnarok I was playing with.

"Whaddya want, Seifer?" I glared at the boy standing two steps away from me. He looked kinda scared, 'cuz he kept standing on one foot then the other. "Gonna tease me again? Y'know what Matron said the last time she caught us fighting."

"Nah, I don't wanna fight anymore."

I stood up. "Huh? Why?"

"I… I just wanna be your friend. Can I?" Seifer started shuffling his feet, kicking up puffs of dry sand. I thought for a long time.

"Okay. Just don't be mean to me, or Zell, or Irvine. 'Kay?"

"Okay. What about Selphie and Quisty?"

I made a face. "They're girls. They have girl germs."

He nodded. "Eww, cooties!"

I made a face. "Yup. Hey, let's go find spiders to throw on them!"

"Yeah!" He followed me as I left my Ragnarok model in the sand. We ran toward the lighthouse where lotsa big Daddy Longlegs spiders lived.

I lay in my bed in Zell's room, propped up on my elbows. I remembered that afternoon, throwing spiders on the girls. I smirked as I remembered Selphie jumping around and screaming. Quistis just stood there, gently picking the spiders off of her clothes and placing them carefully in the sand. I didn't remember much past that day, just glimpses of me and Seifer playing together. The memories seemed to be returning chronologically.

I looked at the digital clock across the room. Seventeen hundred hours. I laid back down, planning to nap for another forty-five minutes before taking a quick shower and heading to the cafeteria. But a knock on the door changed my plans.

"Go away!" I groaned, while I got off my bed. Groggily, I walked over to the door and opened it. "Sei- uh, Kevin. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Hmm? 'Bout what?" I asked, yawning. I leaned against the door frame as he invited himself in. The blonde seated himself on Zell's brightly patterned couch, propping his boots on the coffee table. The table was presently littered with "Weapons Monthly" and various car and power-boarding magazines. I shut the door and collapsed in an armchair. The "Ego Chair," Zell called it. He claimed anyone sitting in the Ego Chair would be so comfortable that their ego would keep growing until they started ordering people around. I currently sat sideways in it, legs hanging over the right arm.

"You look like shit," he commented.

"Well, thanks. Could you be any more blunt?" I asked sarcastically. "Whaddya do, invite yourself over to insult me?"

"Nah, actually. Not really. I just came to apologize."

"For what?" I said, staring at him. _Well, looks like he is being blunt_.

He shrugged. "Anything. Everything." Seifer shifted his legs to the floor and leaned forward a bit. "Um… look, I've been getting some memories back of the orphanage. 'Bout how we were friends and all that."

I interrupted him. "Yeah, me too. Do you know what happened to make us stop being friends?"

Seifer shook his head. "Nope. Not yet. You?" It was my turn to shake my head. "Well, I just wanted apologize for being such an asshole the past few years. And especially for the whole Ultimecia thing."

"Yeah, well, we all knew you were being controlled."

"I wasn't at first. It started at Deling City."

"We all noticed a change in you in DC." We sat uncomfortably for a couple minutes. "Um… That it?"

"Yeah. So could we be friends again? Y'know, I need as many people on my side that I can get."

"So, I'm just another person you want as an ally?" I half-teased.

Seifer rose. "Nah, I'm serious."

I stood too. "Of course. All that crap's in the past. It's all good." I held out my hand. "Put it there, pardner," I drawled. He did. We shook hands. "Okay, that it?"

"Yeah, that's it. See ya at dinner." He went to the door.

"You, too, Kevin." He waved and closed the door. I yawned, and sat in the Ego Chair, writhing around until I was in the most comfortable position. "Umm…" My eyes closed. I felt like I was sinking into the cushions. _Very nice…_

ZELL:

I opened the door to my room to see Squall sleeping in my Ego Chair. "Hey!" I gave him a sharp kick in the foot. "Erm?" He muttered, and half-opened his eyes.

"What are you doing in my chair?"

"Being comfortable," he lazily responded.

"Get up, get up!" With each syllable I gave him another kick, one hitting him in the shin.

"Ow! I'm up, I'm up!" He stood and rubbed his shin. Selphie slapped my back playfully. "You meanie!"

"C'mon, Squally, time for dinner!" I said, earning a glare from the brunette. I went in my room and rifled through a drawer in my nightstand for my second-favorite pair of chopsticks. "Chinese for dinner," I said, walking back into the living room. I clicked my chopsticks enticingly.

Squall rolled his eyes while Selphie giggled. He muttered something under his breath. "What was that?" I asked sweetly. Squall just stalked into his bedroom.

SELPHIE:

Quisty, Zell, Seifer, Squall, Nida, Neria, and me were seated at a corner table in the cafeteria. Zell was talking about a cat one of his old friends had. "…So, since then, every time I would walk in this guy's apartment the cat would fly towards me, and sink it's claws right into my family jewels!" I leaned my elbows on the table and laughed really hard. So did Quisty and Neria. The guys were smiling a little bit, between exaggerated pained groans. "Ohmygosh!" I gasped, clutching my sides. "Tee-hee-hee!"

Quistis wiped tears from her eyes and said, "Wow, Zell, I never knew you had that effect on cats!" I couldn't help it; my lemon-lime soda sprayed out of my nose. "Ow!" I said, wiping it with a napkin. I was still laughing, so was everyone else.

"Geez, Sel, say it don't spray it!" Zell commented. After my laughing had calmed a bit I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Soda kind of stings, doesn't it?" Neria said as sympathetically as she could between giggles.

"You would know," Zell began, "'Cuz that one time I-" Neria cut him off by clapping both hands over his mouth. Seifer raised an eyebrow and grinned. Zell was struggling to get out of his girlfriend's grip, but she held on.

"You go, girl!" I cheered her on. She whispered something to Zell and his struggles ceased. "Nevermind," He said after clearing his throat.

Squall leaned back. "Everyone in the cafeteria is watching," he said dryly.

"Let 'em watch," I said. I mopped the spilt soda off the table.

__

It was really, really good to be hanging out with Quistis, Squall, Seifer, and Zell again. Nida and Neria are fitting in, too. It's so cute, I thought glancing at the couples. Quistis sat next to Nida with his hand resting on her lower back. Neria had released Zell and was perched on his lap, tousling his hair. _I just miss Irvy and Rinny_.

I turned to Squall. "How's Rinoa doing?" He kept in touch with her. They hadn't ever really become a couple. She had tried, but he saw her as more of a little sister.

"She's okay," he said. "She's gotten back in her father's good graces after marrying that Galbadian soldier. Oh, I forgot to tell you, Rinoa's pregnant."

"What?!" I lightly smacked him on the back of his head. "You should have told me sooner! How far along is she?"

He thought. "Almost four months, now, I think."

"Good for her," Seifer said, nodding. "Maybe a kid'll calm her down a bit. Although that would be too much to ask with Selph." He rolled his eyes.

I pounced on Seifer, sitting on his lap and giving him a headlock. He loosened my arms and grinned at everyone. "Nope, definitely too much to ask."

"You'd make a cute couple," Neria commented. "Are you two together?"

I made a face. "Me with this loser? Naw. Besides, I'm too girlie for him."

Quistis raised an eyebrow, "Ah, prefer men, do you , Seifer?"

Seifer grinned again, shrugging. "Eh, I've gone both ways. If I had to choose it would be men."

"Well, I prefer men, too. But they have to be more obedient than this one," I said, tapping him on the head.

"That's me. Always the rebel." Seifer struck a pose. Hard to do with me straddling his hips and tightening my headlock, but he managed to pulled it off.

"Wow, Selphie, I never thought you were that type of woman," Nida commented, pulling Quisty closer to him.

I did my whole little innocent girl act, causing everyone at the table to laugh. Except Squall. He was sneaking off. I gave him a little wave behind Seifer's back and he waved, too.


	7. Encounter

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 7: ENCOUNTER IN THE TRAINING CENTER

SQUALL:

__

Hmm… so Seifer's gay. That was a surprise. I had never considered he was like that. _Not that he's gonna want to hook up with YOU, Leonhart_. I exited the cafeteria and walked toward Zell's dorm. I was planning on grabbing my gunblade and taking out a few grats in the training center.

I had known I was gay for years. I think I knew for sure when Rinoa and I were alone in the Ragnorak, fighting those weird insect monsters. I was alone in space with a cute and willing girl, but I didn't want to do anything with her. _Yeah, that was when I figured it out_.

I started dating a few months after time compression. Going to clubs and all that. I had met my first two boyfriends at clubs. The third was another SeeD from Balamb. We really weren't a couple. Just screwed around a couple times. Then I met Rian in DC while visiting Rinoa.

I unlocked the door and walked through the living room into my room. I changed into workout clothes, and got my blade's case from a shelf over my bed. I pulled the weapon from the case and got one of my sheaths from the closet. After putting the blade in the scabbard, I strapped it on my back. I always junctioned a GF before fighting, just in case. I had kept two, Diablos and Ifirit. I junctioned Ifirit. _Okay, all ready to go_.

I walked to the training center. The halls were deserted during dinner, except for the occasional cadet taking a tray to his room to study. _Good. I should be the only one training for awhile_.

I entered the center and walked through the Jurassic Park-type gates meant to keep the monsters in. T-Rexaurs mostly. Most of the other monsters were pretty much just an annoyance to the upper-class cadets and SeeDs.

I began fighting, taking on monster after monster. When I ran into a T-Rexaur, I just cast a Sleep on it and ran. I'd killed one solo before, just didn't want to tonight. After over an hour I was drenched in sweat and ready for a break. I walked into the rest area which was deserted, and got a long drink from the fountain before cleaning the gore off my gunblade and sitting on a bench. 

I sat for a while, letting my breathing even out and cooling down. Just enjoying the view of the Garden. It was late dusk. The Garden's outside lights were on, rivaling the last pinkish rays of the setting sun. _When was the last time I came here? Oh, yeah, with Rian_. I sighed. Thinking about Rian still made me sad and depressed. We had gotten along for almost seven months. He was cute, affectionate, and strong. Still, it took me over five months of being serious to finally trust him. Not just to trust him to watch my back in a fight, but to trust him with my feelings. After I had revealed a lot of personal things, he had started getting more distant. I let him hit me, insult me, do a lot of things I didn't want him to do. _Shit, that's hard to admit. Even to myself_. I had stayed with him for another three weeks until one night when he accidentally knocked me out. I had woken up in the infirmary, where Quistis made me tell her that Rian had been abusing me. Apparently after that, Zell personally ran Rian out of Balamb Garden. _That I would've loved to see. Rian was not easy to intimidate. How long has it been since he left? Two months?_ About that long. Two months and two suicide attempts. Only one was actually serious. 

I looked at the inside of my right wrist, removing the wide black and steel cuff bracelet I always wore. Numerous white scars ran lengthwise. I ran my thumb over them. Some of them are puckered; the deep ones. The newest one was two days old. Just a scratch, nothing serious. I had matching scars on my left wrist, too. Hidden by a matching cuff bracelet and my watch. More cuts criss-crossed the insides of my thighs. 

I took off my left bracelet and watch. I place my hands in my lap, palms up. I looked at the white lines. Mourning my lost innocence. Planning my next attempt.

SEIFER:

When I noticed that Squall had silently ran out again, I excused myself from the table. I went to Zell's dorm and knocked, receiving no answer. I sighed, and went to my room to change and pick up my spear, my second-favorite type of weapon. I had left Hyperion at Selph's. _Besides, Kevin Trepe isn't gonna walk around the Garden with the famous gunblade._ Tying a sweatband around my head, I walked toward the training center. I hadn't fought in a few weeks. No sense in getting too out of shape.

After half an hour, I was nearly panting. Okay, I'll make my way over to the rest area. It took fifteen minutes of walking and fighting to reach it.

I stepped in and looked around. One person, sitting on a bench staring down at his hands. "Hey, Squall, I was looking for you." He quickly raised his head and hid his hands behind him.

SQUALL:

I raised my head and hid my slashed wrists at the low voice. A figure stood, blocking most of the light from the training center. I blinked my tears back while I squinted, trying to figure out who he was. Light reflected off golden hair, and was blocked by a broad-shouldered figure holding a spear.

"Rian?" I asked tentatively. He stepped forward. I cringed back as he did, out of reflex. A lot of his abuse had started with one heavy step.

"No," he said, "It's me. Seifer. What's this?" He stepped up and grabbed at my arms, pulling them in front of me. I tried to fight him, but he was too strong. When he saw the white lines, he was taken aback. "Fuck, Squall! That's a lot of scars!" He stood there, his mouth slack.

I ripped my wrists out of his grip. I grabbed my gunblade and tried to reach the door. Seifer blocked my way and put a hand on my shoulder. "Stop." He said softly. I stopped struggling, and wiped a couple tears from my eyes. "What?" I asked, avoiding his gaze.

"Squall… did I… do that?" I had to figure out what he meant.

"Nah," I said, grabbing my gunblade, bracelets, and watch, "I did." I was purposely evading his question. Yeah, some of the first ones are from his bullying. I walked past him and out the door. I hid in the bushes outside the exit. He'd try to follow me.

Sure enough, he came out the door and looked around. Sighing, he went back into the rest area. I waited a few more minutes before heading toward the training center showers. 

SEIFER:

__

Shit, I feel guilty. Some of those scars are probably from my teasing. I sat on the bench he had vacated. It was still warm. I put my head in my hands. _Man, I was such a fucking asshole. Since time compression I've been trying to be better. To be nicer_. I forced my mind on another track. _He thought I was some guy named Rian_. I made a note to remember to ask Selphie who Rian was. _Whoever Rian is, Squall is scared of him_.


	8. Seifer thinks and Squall drinks

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 8: SEIFER THINKS AND SQUALL DRINKS

SELPHIE:

I was feeding Juil some greens and water when I heard a knock. I looked at the clock. It was only ten. "Been a long day, hasn't it, Juil?" She let out a "Wark" and I tickled her behind her ears. Well, where her ears _would_ be…. Can't really see birds' ears.

"Who is it?" I called.

"It's me… Kevin," came the voice behind the door.

"Hang on, Kev!" I got up and ran to open the door. "C'mon in. What's up?" I asked, looking at his thoughtful expression.

"I just wanted to ask you who Rian is."

"Oh. Rian was Squall's latest boyfriend. Why?"

He shrugged. "I ran into Squall and at first he thought I was Rian. He looked kinda scared." Seifer stopped. "Huh? Squall's latest boyfriend?!"

"Mm-hmm." _Hmm. Could Seifer actually like Squall_?! I studied him. "Yeah, you do kinda look like him. And he would be scared of Rian." I walked back over to the bed where Juil was contentedly finishing off the greens.

"Why?"

"Hmm? Why what?" I asked, confused. 

"Why is Squall scared of Rian?" He said patiently.

__

How much should I leave up to Squall to tell him? Best not to say too much. "Um, Rian kinda abused Squall before they broke up." I noticed a flash of anger in Seifer's eyes, and something else. _Ooohh! Seifer does like Squall!! I should totally set them up! They would be such a cute couple!_ I silently squealed at the picture that made.

"Abused him how?" was all Seifer asked.

__

I shouldn't say any more. Plus, maybe Seifer will go ask Squall himself! I mentally let out another excited squeal. "He should be the one to tell you about that," was all I said out loud.

"Alright." Seifer walked toward me. "Night, Selph." He hugged me and gave me a peck on my forehead. "Night," I replied, hugging him back. He opened the door and left. I yawned. "Time for bed."

SEIFER:

__

Hmm… so Squall is gay. I closed Selphie's door and began walking down the hall to my room. _And he's apparently had more than one boyfriend._ I felt a sudden ache. _I've had such a crush on him for… a very long time, anyway. Though I only admitted it to myself after time comp. Could, would, Squall ever like me? No way. I've done so much bad shit to him. Bullied him, teased him, tried to kill him while under Ultimecia's command. I've never had a chance and never will._ I unlocked my door, walking in and closing it behind me. I stood in my room and hit my head on the door a few times.

People have always thought that I'm confident, arrogant, conceited even to the point of narcissism. Truth: Hell, no, I'm not. It's a complete act; so ingrained in my actions that it's almost like a second personality. _I'll be the first to admit that it's a defense mechanism. I've read the psychology columns; I know being abandoned is the root of all my problems. Well, maybe not all my problems_, I admitted, picturing Squall.

QUISTIS:

A hand on my shoulder woke me up. "Wha-" I gasped, and shot up quickly.

"Shh, it's just me." Squall.

I looked at the clock, digital letters glowing red in the dark. Eleven-thirty. "What's wrong, Squall?"

"I don't want to talk about it now. Maybe in the morning. Could I sleep here tonight?" His breath smelled faintly of vodka. He had been drinking maybe an hour ago.

"Yeah, sure," I said sleepily as I moved over to make room for him in my bed. I felt him settle in next to me. "Thanks, Quis." Then he was out like a light. I rolled over and went back to sleep. No sense worrying now.

*****

Squall was still asleep when I woke up. I gently got out of bed and took a shower. I put on a robe and was drying off my hair with a towel when I went back into the bedroom to pull open the shades. He rolled over. "Morning." I said. He groaned and put a pillow over his head. I've always been a morning person. I went into my kitchenette and made some instant coffee. A few minutes later I was pulling the steaming mugs from the microwave and walking back into my bedroom.

"Sit up," I commanded. Reluctantly he sat and took the offered mug. I sat next to him and took a few sips of my own.

"I don't know how you can like this liquid crap," he bitched. Meaning the instant coffee.

I just shrugged. "What happened last night?"

He sipped his "liquid crap" for a couple more minutes. I waited. He'd answer my question eventually. "I was sitting in the rest area of the training center, thinking about Rian. Seifer came in. I thought he was Rian for a moment. I mean, he was holding a spear! Y'know, pole weaps are Rian's area of expertise." I nodded. "Anyway," he continued, "Seifer saw me crying and saw my scars. He felt sorry for me, Quistis!"

__

Men and their big egos. "So then what happened?"

"I ran away. Went to a bar in Balamb, got crocked out of my gourd, walked back, and woke you up." I sighed. _Why do guys always think drinking will help them with their problems?_

"You ran away because of more reasons than Seifer feeling sorry for you. Why?" I gently prodded.

He stood up and stretched, being careful not to spill his coffee. Blinking, he stared out the window. "Y'know I don't like him seeing how weak I am." I silently looked up at him, not buying that that was the only other reason. He sighed. "He's gay, Quistis."

"Well, duh." I replied, borrowing a term the cadets used often. "So? You're hardly in the position to be homophobic. You like him, don't you?" 

He winced, verbally refusing to respond. "You've always liked him. Loved him, even. It's so obvious." I rolled my eyes. _Men_, I thought again, _So afraid to admit they care about someone else. They would all try to make you believe that all they care about is themselves_.

"How obvious?" He turned toward me, afraid.

I shrugged. "I knew. Selphie probably does. Matron knows you both love each other; maybe not in a romantic way, since we were all so young when we left. Maybe Zell." I watched as his eyes widened a bit. _Enough teasing him_. "Don't worry. Only people who've known you two most of your lives can tell. Yet," I finished slyly, winking at him. His ears colored. _Okay, now that's enough teasing him_. "We won't tell anyone," I rose from the bed and hugged him.

"I must get ready now, okay?" I pulled away as he nodded, and opened my dresser. "Out!" I shooed. Squall grinned, wagging his eyebrows salaciously. I lightly smacked him, and he went out into the living room.

ZELL:

I heard the dorm door open from my bedroom. "Squall?" I ran out. The brunette was slinging his dark leather jacket over the back of the couch. "Man, where've you been? I was all worried and shit." I bounced from foot to foot, punching the air a little bit.

He shrugged. "I was in Quistis' dorm."

"What?!" I punched his arm, "No way, man! You expect me to believe that you were with Quistis all night?!"

"Not all night. I went to a bar, got pretty smashed, walked back to Garden, and crashed in her room."

"In her room? She's the headmistress; isn't that illegal or somethin'?"

He smirked. "Nida does it."

"Okay, fine. So nothing happened." I said, believing him.

"Besides, I'm gay anyway."

"I know that. Go change your clothes. They're all wrinkled."

"What, so you're the Balamb Garden fashion advisor, now?" He snorted, looking at my usual denim shorts and Hawaii-print shirt open over a wifebeater. Of course, I was wearing my favorite red kicks with the laces untied.

"Damn straight." He went into the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the shower being turned on. "We're meeting the gang for breakfast in half an hour!" I shouted over the water. I heard a muffled reply.

"See ya!" I walked out into the hallway.


	9. Seifer Confronts Squall

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 9: SEIFER CONFRONTS SQUALL

SEIFER:

"What do you have to do today, Quistis?" I asked. Our group from last night was sitting at the table eating breakfast. 

She set down her fork and finished chewing. "Paperwork. Then I have to supervise a weapon training class."

"Will that take all day?" Selphie asked. Quistis shrugged. "I was hoping to go to the beach today," Selphie added. "Who wants to come with me? Kevin?" 

"Sounds good to me," I said as I leaned back in my chair.

"Who else?" When nobody responded right away, she put her hands on her hips and glared at everyone.

Zell bounded up, "I was gonna visit my ma today. I'll come with you and hang out for a little bit." He sat back down.

"Anyone else? No? Okay, I'm gonna have two cute guys all to myself!" Selphie grinned triumphantly.

"I'll come," Squall said quietly. I cocked an eyebrow at him, surprised, but didn't say anything.

"Goodie!" Selph squealed, oblivious, "Three!"

"I would," Neria said, "but it's my turn to give a lecture in Wilderness Survival."

Selphie looked at Nida. He shrugged. "Sorry, got work to do down in the lab."

"Can I have a tour in the lab while I'm here?" Selphie asked.

"Sure. Tomorrow shouldn't be a problem." Nida replied.

"Kay! Guys, let's meet in the garage at ten. Alright?" Squall, Zell and I nodded. "Cool!" She stood. "I gotta run and feed you-know-who! See ya!" I waved, while the others struck up a chorus of 'Byes.'

I stood, holding my empty plate and mug. "Anyone else have empty dishes I can take back while I'm up?" I collected all the offered plates and cups then went to the dishroom to drop them off. I returned to the table a moment later. Squall was standing, getting ready to leave.

"Hey, Squall, where're you off to?"

He shrugged. "I'm just going to go collect my mail and watch the screen in Zell's room."

"Mind if I walk with you?" I asked, knowing the answer. He probably wouldn't say no in front of the gang. He shrugged. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yup." He grabbed his jacket and left the table. Outside the cafeteria was a wall of mailboxes for the cadets and SeeDs. He pulled a short stack from the pigeonhole labeled "S. Leonhart." I walked with him toward the dormitory wing. At Zell's door he turned around, expecting me to either talk or leave. "Um, can we talk?" I said. Squall didn't say anything, just unlocked the door and held it open.

I walked in and took a seat on the sofa. Squall threw his mail down on the coffee table. He sat in an armchair, looking at me and waiting. _He never makes this easy_. I sighed. "First, I want to apologize for last night."

"What about last night?" _Behold, it speaks_. I fought down a smirk. _These comments always make me smirk. That's why people think I'm always being sarcastic and mean_.

"For hurting your arms last night." My eyes went down to the bruises only half-covered by the bracelets. He nodded, following my gaze down to his wrists. "It's fine." He kept himself from hiding his arms. Thinking of his scars my frustration grew. _He has everything that's important in life; anything he actually doesn't have, he can get! Why can't he see that and be satisfied with his life?_

"No it's not," I said, meaning his scars. Squall knew what I meant. "Look, man," Squall started to get up and move away. "Listen, you've got friends who want you to talk to them. Quistis was nearly in tears when you walked in on our call. She worries about you. So do Zell and Selph." He looked down at me while he stood with his arms crossed. His position plainly stated he was listening politely, but disinterested.

"Fuck man!" In frustration I also stood. "At least you've fuckin' got people who want to help you. You think you're the only one feeling like shit after the whole sorceress thing? Goddammit, you think no one understands YOUR pain?! You think you're the most screwed up person in the world?!" Angrily, I pushed up my sleeves to show him my own scars, most of which were deeper and longer than his. Squall winced when he saw the angry red scars bisecting half of my forearms. "Those were from just four weeks ago. If some dumb fuck hadn't picked up me from the gutter, I wouldn't be anything but rat shit right now!" By this time Squall was staring at me horrified. I knew tears were running down my face, but couldn't feel them with the anger that filled me. It wasn't anger at the brunette, precisely, just at his goddamn ego and pride. Anger for the nameless, faceless stranger that had retrieved me from the alley while I was unconscious. Anger at myself. I couldn't help him because we had stopped being friends for some reason. _It was probably my fault, it's always my fault_.

"I have more scars. Scars from a bullet-removal surgery. Cuts on my chest, legs, stomach…" Squall's face looked slightly gray. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. "Look. You may not have it easy, but you have friends. You have a home, you have respect, fame, a family." _And what the hell do I have? A bad rep, no place to settle down and live, no one who really cares if I fade away_. Forcing aside those self-pitying thoughts, I softly made my closing statement. "So stop your self-pity and open up to them, Squall." I went out the door.

SQUALL:

I stared at the closed door. _God_. That's all I could think of to say. _God, poor Seifer_. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his arms, crossed with scars. They were longer, more serious and angry-looking than mine. I felt tears collecting in my own eyes. _"If some dumb fuck hadn't picked up me from the gutter, I wouldn't be anything but rat shit right now!"_ I silently thanked that "dumb fuck," that angel, who had saved Seifer. My Seifer. I unbuckled the cuffs to expose my own scars. How… meaningless they look after his. I do have things to keep me going. Friends to keep me alive. He doesn't have anything. Hot tears fell on my wrists. _I wish I could tell him that he does have something. He has ME. Not that he would ever take me seriously. And it's not like he'd ever be interested anyway. Besides, I never will be able to tell him that I love him_. God. My stupid ego and pride. My fucking fear. I've always been a coward when it comes to feelings.

__

Should I go find him? Should I? I looked at the clock. Oh-eight-hundred. Two more hours until we go to the beach. _I really don't feel like going anymore_. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and decided I should take a shower first and decide what to do later.


	10. A Change in Plans

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. Also, "Headboard" really is a band. I think I was listening to them on one of the days I worked on it. Check them out at mp3.com ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 10: A CHANGE IN PLANS

SEIFER:

I ran down the hall and ducked into a lavatory. I stared at my face in the mirror. _Hyne, I look so pathetic. Tear-tracks and my eyes all red and puffy. _I ran cold water and splashed my face. The anger had faded, leaving exhaustion in its wake. _Why do people say crying helps? Now I just feel sad, tired, and drained._

I sat up on the counter, leaning my back against the mirror and hugging my legs. I rested my forehead on my raised knees. _I would do anything to make Squall feel better. I'd kill myself if that would make him stop hurting himself._ I sighed. _Fuck. I've got a serious crush on Squall. I've known it for years. Guess it just faded with time. But seeing him again…. _My thoughts wandered; I was too tired to stay focused. "I should go back to bed." _With luck, I may wake up too late to go to the beach._ I really didn't want to see Squall for a long time.

I slid off the counter and started walking to the elevator. When I reached my room, I got in bed still wearing my clothes. It took me awhile to fall asleep. When I did, I had a dream, the first one in my whole life. The only thing I remembered was a blood-red rose, dried to an almost black color, that turned to dust in my hand. 

I was woken up by the sound of my door being kicked. "C'mon! Sei- I mean, Kevin!" I groaned. Definitely Selphie.

"Go 'way," I mumbled into the pillow. I pulled the covers over my head. The thin SeeD-issue fabric did nothing to lessen the noise.

I heard them talking in the hall. "We're coming in!" said Selphie. I groaned. _Great. Just what I want at the moment. A wake-up party. My head hurts. Too much crying._

The door opened. "Seifer?" A low voice questioned. Squall. I heard him stumble into a chair. "Seifer, you here?" Does he sound worried? I burrowed further under the covers as the light was turned on.

"Go 'way." My verbal skills aren't at top-notch when I'm tired.

I felt a weight settle on the end of the bed. "Are you going to the beach?"

I snorted. "Nope, sorry, changed my mind. Decided not to hang out with you losers." I winced. I knew how harsh that sounded. _Old habits come back hard when I get my feelings hurt._

Squall sighed. "You can't stay in bed all day."

"Yes I can. Now go away! And turn the lights off when you leave." I felt him rise. A breath later, and he was opening the door. I heard some whispering in the hallway, then footsteps walking away. He didn't turn off the light. _Oh well._ I put an extra pillow over my head. _Ah, peace and quiet._ But I felt guilty for treating Squall and Selph like that. _Oh well, _I repeated_, Friends just cause more pain. I don't know which one of us began isolating first; Squall or me._

I lay there, turning that thought over in my head_. Friends cause pain, but so does loneliness. The question is which is better?_ I already knew the answer to that. _Loneliness is worse. If it weren't for my damn pride and the fact that everyone hates me, I would make friends._ That thought increased my feeling of loneliness, and the tears started again. I stifled a sob, unsuccessfully_. Men don't cry! Aw, fuck it. I'm alone and everyone already thinks I'm in here bawling._ The sobs began in earnest.

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I felt a hand on my shoulder through the blankets. I shot up, blinking in the light. Selphie stood there. Through the splotches clouding my vision, I saw concern clouding her face. She sat on the edge of the bed and put her arms around me. Instantly my back stiffened. Stupid tears won't stop. Only the fact that she wasn't laughing or pitying me let me relax in her embrace and cry myself out.

SELPHIE:

__

Poor Seifer. I found myself blinking back tears. His sobs shook his entire body. I didn't know what he was all upset about, but I wasn't surprised. I had expected him to break down sometime during this visit. He was confronting his past; all his shattered and abandoned dreams, all the shit he put other people through, and all the worse shit he put himself through. Squall knows why he's upset. All he told me was that Seifer's upset and someone should stay with him. I just kept holding him, unconsciously rocking and rubbing his back, like I've done with young cadets at Trabia. I just waited out the tears.

When they finally stopped Seifer sat up. His face was all red, his eyes bloodshot. He looked around, and pulled a dirty shirt from a pile on the floor. As he blew his nose, I rolled my eyes. Guys.

"Better?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Kinda, not really. I'll know in a few hours." He glanced sideways at me. "Thanks, Selph." This was given softly, self-consciously. I had a sudden inspiration.

I held his hand, "It's okay, Seifer. I'm your friend. That's what friends do." The look on his face confirmed my suspicion. _He is so lonely. He doesn't think he can have friends._ I decided to loosen the mood up a bit. "Besides, you're more than a friend. Like a brother. I mean, you've been living with me for a week." He looked mildly surprised under all that exhaustion. I shifted so that I was sitting with my legs folded under me. "C'mon, can I be an honorary Almasy? Pleeeze?" I pulled my best innocent and lovable look.

"You want to be an 'honorary Almasy?' We kind of have a bad rep since the whole 'Evil Sorceress' Knight' thing." Seifer's face darkened. _Oops! I expected an opposite reaction. Hmm… should I stay cheerful or beg for forgiveness? Maybe both…._

"You know I didn't mean it like that, Seifer. You can be an honorary Tilmitt, big brother." I waited anxiously for his reaction; his face wasn't giving any hints.

A moment passed. "Thanks, Selphie. Maybe someday I'll take you up on that. But now I have to face what being Seifer Almasy deserves." I frowned. The thanks sounded sincere.

"I just don't want you being so hard on yourself." I snuggled up with him. He put an arm across my shoulders.

He sighed. "I know I shouldn't. But I've done so many shitty things. Even when I wasn't under Ultimecia's influence."

I knew disagreeing would piss him off, so I just said "Yeah, you have. And you should get what you deserve. But don't you think three years is enough punishment? I mean, there has to be an end to how long you should continue to suffer."

He thought about that for a while. I sat there, staring at the headboard_. Headboard. That would be a good name for a band. Squirrels!_ I think my mind would scare most persons. I leap from random topic to random topic, quite quickly and frequently. _Hmm… squirrels, quarrels… pearls. Squirrels wearing pearls…Tee-hee!_

"What are you tee-hee-ing about?" Seifer asked.

__

Oops. Gotta keep my thoughts in my head! "Um… I was thinking of words rhyming with 'squirrel.'"

Seifer rolled his eyes. "I do not want to know what goes on in your head. Remind me never to ask again."

I giggled. The mood had been broken. "You better now?"

Seifer nodded. "Yeah, actually. Maybe this crying thing has something to it. Just… I wouldn't want to do it too often."

"Ready to go out and see people? It's almost lunchtime."

"I might be after a shower," he replied.

"Okay. Knock on my door when you're ready." He nodded. We both stood. "Promise me, Seifer, that you'll come and talk to me if you need to. I won't tell anyone, promise." He nodded. I gave him a hug. "Seifer, I care about you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, Selph, I do. And… thanks." We pulled apart. I smiled up into his eyes. "No prob, Bro. Your end of the bargain is to beat up all the guys who bother me, 'kay?" He laughed. I felt relieved.


	11. New Plans

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 11: NEW PLANS

SQUALL:

"Hey, there's Selphie and Seifer."

I looked up, relieved, at Zell's words. The couple mentioned walked towards the table and sat. I noticed Seifer was deliberately avoiding my gaze.

"Hey, guys," Nida paused by our table, holding a loaded tray. "How was the beach yesterday?" he asked Selphie.

"Eh, change of plans," the perky brunette replied. "I decided that four people weren't enough for a beach party, so we'll go when the whole gang's free." I noticed Seifer looked relieved at her response. "Taking a tray up to Quistis?"

Nida nodded. "Yeah, she's been skipping meals. Again." He rolled his eyes. "Work-a-holic. Try to get her out more while you're here, Selphie."

"A'course." Her hair bounced as she nodded.

"Thanks. See you guys later!" He started walking toward the cafeteria exit.

I picked at my salad. I wasn't hungry.

"So, anyone want to come with me to Balamb right after lunch?" Zell looked around expectantly.

"Sure, I'll go." I was surprised that I said that. _What the hell. I need some more shampoo and razor blades._

"Alright, man!" Zell raised his hand for a high-five. I raised an eyebrow at his upheld hand before he lowered it, rubbing his palms together briskly. Selphie giggled. Seifer picked at his salad.

__

He looks better, I noted, looking at the blond man. _Maybe he took some of his own advice and talked to Selphie._

I noticed that the hot dogs Zell had managed to get had been inhaled rather rapidly. "Ready to go?" I asked, standing.

"One sec." I shifted my weight to one foot, quietly tapping the other. I was even more nervous in Seifer's presence after this morning. "Seifer. You okay, man?" Zell looked at the other blonde.

Seifer shrugged. "Actually, I do feel better." _Whoa. I guess he is taking his own advice._ "It's just… weird. Being back here after all the shit that's happened." He met Zell's gaze. I could see that the muscles under his eyes were tense. _It's hard for him to admit that. Even harder than it is for me._

If Zell was surprised, he didn't show it. "Yeah, I was thinking about that. But listen. You can always talk to Sel, here, or me. Even Squall will prob'ly lend an ear. You are one of us. We all know it. Nothing you can do or ever did can change that. Orphanage Gang, remember?" His amazingly deep and sincere speech lost some of it's eloquence with the punches Zell threw at the end. Seifer actually smiled.

"Thanks, Zell. That… that means a lot." He stood and held out his hand for a shake. They shook, then Zell pulled him into a hug. They slapped backs and parted.

I was awestruck at the bonds between us that this conversation began to reveal_. Zell was right; we are all connected. Connected by deep, hidden bonds that linked our pasts, present, and futures. We cared deeply, strongly about each other, unconditionally. Unconditionally._ That rocked me back on my heels. Everything Seifer said clicked. My expectations and fears were greatly exaggerated. _We are family. None of us is alone. Me, Seifer, Selphie, Zell, Quistis, Irvine…. Somehow, we all balance each other out. Complete each other. _I was beyond awestruck. My old fears were still there, but I was on my way to working past them. I had a headache. I felt like going out and getting a drink.

"Yo, Squall!"

"Huh?" I shook my head and found Zell staring at me. 

"Whoa, you, like, totally spaced out. I said, ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah. Gotta stop by the room really quick." Zell nodded. With waves to Selphie and Seifer, we left the cafeteria. 

ZELL:

"C'mon, man!" I bounced from foot to foot in my living room. Squall was in his bedroom. I could hear stuff clunking around. "Geez, what's he doin'?" I muttered to myself. I heard a loud "CLUMPF!"

"Yo, Squall, you okay?!" I was about to open his bedroom door when it opened. Squall stood there. "Whoa, dude…"

Squall was wearing these dark gray pants, prob'ly made out of vinyl or leather. He wore a sleeveless dark blue shirt that accentuated his chest muscles and clung with every movement. He wore black steel-toed boots. Two silver necklaces hung from his neck, one a ball choker and the other a chain. His usual discreet earrings were replaced with noticeable silver hoops, with a matching ear cuff on one ear. Another, thinker, steel chain ran from a belt loop to his wallet in a back pocket. _Man, if I went for guys… he would have to watch out!_

I whistled. "Dude, where are you going?" _Prob'ly clubbin' again. Shit._ I knew the routine: Squall would go to a club in the early evening, be screwing a guy at around midnight, then hit a rave or two with some 'new friends.' He'll finally come home totally shit-faced around oh-four-hundred, pass out on the sofa, and sleep until dinnertime. This happened maybe every four months or so.

My roommate shrugged. "You're taking me to Balamb, I'll pop in to say hi to your mother, then I'm going shopping before hitting a club." I sighed. _Do I know him or what?_

"Squall, you shouldn't do this, y'know? When was the last time you got checked for STDs, hmm? Man, abusing your body and mind won't make you feel better. It only makes you feel worse." These words aren't gonna have an effect on him today. We've all tried before. _Shit, I hate these 'lessons' people have to learn on their own. This is one lesson that will really fuck him over before he learns it._

The brunette just sighed. "I know, Zell. I promise I'll be back before two, 'kay?"

__

This is new. Usually he completely blows me off. Not literally. Haha. "Just remember, man. You promised. Let's go. I got my bike in the garage. 

SEIFER:

I watched two men, one blond and one brown-haired, depart on a motorcycle headed for Balamb.

"Hey, Quis."

She looked up from her desk. "Hmm? Yes, S-Kevin?"

I grinned. _Here's the Balamb Garden headmistress slipping up on an alias._ "Do you mind if I borrow a car for a few hours?"

She tucked a few strands of hair back into place. "No, go ahead. I'll finally be able to work without you peering over my shoulder," she teased, dramatically rolling her eyes behind her glasses. "Here." She tossed a key ring to me. "Take my car."

"I am deeply honored with your level of trust for me," I said facetiously while I bowed. Her car was a piece of crud, bought cheap off a guy in Dollet after the radio tower incident. She doesn't need to buy a fancy car when she can borrow the Garden's. 

She laughed. "Okay, shoo!" She motioned me out the door. "Have fun."

"I will." I winked at her before closing the door.

On my way to the garage I made a detour to my room to change. Nothing fancy, just a clean long-sleeved shirt and slightly baggy jeans, and slung a jacket over my arm. I unlocked Quistis' car and climbed in, fiddling with the radio till I found a good station. I rolled down the one working window and started cruising toward Balamb.


	12. Tiffany's Drill and Fill

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters, except for Tiff. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. Another note. Tiff is an original character, not based on any NPCs in the game. I kinda styled her appearance and personality after the character "Iona" in _Pretty in Pink_. (I am a huge John Hughes fan.) She's Andie's older friend/mother figure and her boss at the record store, and in her first appearance she has her black hair in spikes and wears leather. Iona was my favorite character in that film. And I wasn't high when I came up with the store name. Just hyper. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 12: TIFFANY'S DRILL & FILL

SQUALL:

My wallet chain slapped against my leg as I walked down an alley. _Where should I go first?_

I didn't plan on going to a club when I agreed to go with Zell. When I went into my bedroom to get my wallet I just suddenly craved some attention. _And I certainly get it dressed like this._ I grinned inwardly as, right on cue, two girls turned to stare at me. _Hmm. Fourteen, fifteen, maybe._ Too young. I smiled at them and they gaped back before giggling hysterically. I kept walking, stopping in front a body piercing shop. Tiffany's Drill & Fill. I had gotten my ear piercings here. I opened the door and stepped inside, announced by the usual battered brass bell. I was instantly hit with a burst of the incense Tiff kept burning in here. She did piercings and tattooing, along with a side business of selling some less-than-legal substances. Hence the heavy incense and dim lighting. I waited for my eyes to adjust.

"Squall!" I recognized Tiff's voice as well as her stiletto-heeled boots clicking on the floor as she walked over to me. "Haven't seen you in a long time. How're you doing, hon?" She gave me a hug. I hugged her back.

"I broke up with Rian a few weeks ago." I said.

She twisted an earring thoughtfully. "Rian, Rian…" she muttered. "Was he the tall, blond guy you came in with maybe… hmm… five months ago?" I nodded. Rian and I had come in so he could get a tattoo. "I didn't like him too much. He seemed rather aggressive. But he was hot."

She hit the proverbial nail on the head. I wasn't surprised; Tiffany has a knack for seeing what people are really like. She could give you a vague description of someone's personality after ten minutes. I had never seen her proven wrong. _Yup. Rian was aggressive, alright._ Outwardly I just nodded, more water starting to creep into my eyes.

"Oh, Squall." Tiff immediately saw the tears threatening and hugged me again. Despite her appearance, she was a very caring woman. _Too bad most people get scared away by her black leather, dyed hair, and piercings._

I controlled myself and pulled away. "It's okay," I gave her a small smile. "I'll get over it."

"Wanna come to the back and have some coffee?"

"Sure, Tiff. Thanks." I followed her to the back room. It was considerably brighter than the shop. She needed good lighting when working on her customers. I sat in a black leather chair, watching Tiff as she poured two cups of black coffee. She handed one to me, then hopped onto the counter. She smoothed her short leather skirt, and picked up her own mug.

I sipped the coffee. Much better than Quistis' instant. I thought about what to tell her. "Seifer Almasy is back."

Tiff raised her plucked eyebrows, each adorned with a small gold ring. "Really? Wasn't he the Sorceress' Knight?" I had told her my life story the night after my first breakup. _Well, as much of my life story I actually remember._

"Yeah. And my rival." She waited, silently. I sighed. "It turns out he's gay."

She grinned. "Ah." She brought her steaming mug back to her mouth. "Have you told him yet?"

__

Does everyone know that I like Seifer?! First Quis and now Tiff. Tiff hasn't even met him! I blushed, trying to hide it behind my coffee cup. She saw it anyway.

"No? C'mon. Squall, hon, you've had over three years to prepare for this. Why not?"

I looked into my mug. I didn't answer, but she sensed my insecurities and slid off the counter. She walked the two steps between us and knelt in front of me. Tiff raised my head and waited until I looked at her eyes. "Why not?"

I didn't know where to begin.


	13. Seifer Visits Balamb

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 13: SEIFER VISITS BALAMB

SEIFER:

I walked around Balamb, idly window-shopping while keeping an eye out for Squall. I had already stopped by Zell's house. He had told me that Squall was probably at a bar already. He went on, telling me about Squall's nights at clubs. About Squall's drinking and promiscuity when he was an emotional wreck. Ending his speech saying, "Find him, Seifer. Please." 

I had already checked all the local bars and open clubs. _Shit. Where is he?_ I was worried. I didn't know what he was going to do after last night and this morning_. Looks like you've royally fucked everything up again, Almasy._ Guilt formed in a cold, hard ball in my stomach. I looked around anxiously, trying hard to fit in with the other afternoon shoppers. _If I was Squall and feeling shitty, where would I be? What would I be doing? Besides drinking or getting stoned._ I looked around. A piercing shop caught my eye. "Tiffany's Drill and Fill," I read aloud. The name intrigued me. _Hmm, sounds kinky. _I sighed. "Well, I've been here two hours. May as well go back to Garden with something to show from my shopping." I walked up to the shop and opened the door. A little bell tinkled.

"Hang on!" A feminine voice called from a back room. I quickly adjusted to the incense-laden air and dimness, and I began looking in the cases. A short, leather-clad woman with berry-red hair entered, ankle-high black boots clicking on the wood floor. She looked me up and down. "You're a newcomer. Welcome." She smiled and held out a hand. "I'm Tiffany." I smiled back, and shook her hand. "As in 'Tiffany's Drill and Fill.' How'd you come up with that name, anyway?"

"I was high," she said flippantly, still gently grasping my hand. "What are you interested in today? Earrings, chains, or a tattoo? Maybe something a bit more," She cocked a ringed eyebrow, "Uplifting?"

__

There's a blatant hint that she's selling more than just jewelry. "Nah, I just came in to look at earrings."

"What's your name, handsome?" she asked, releasing my hand. "You seem familiar. Someone from the news, maybe…" She furrowed her forehead. I could tell she didn't remember and wasn't just being coy. You kinda learn these things when you've been broadcasted as a mass murderer and baby-raper and whatever else they decided to blame me with.

I considered telling her my name was Kevin Trepe, and that she must be mistaken. _But I like her. _"My name is Seifer Almasy." I turned back to the case I had been studying. _And now for the inevitable question…'The Sorceress' Knight?!'_

"Ah, yes, the Sorceress' Knight." She said this with satisfaction and a hint of amusement.

I turned back to her, impressed and wary. "Yes I am," I answered, even though she had stated the title instead of asking it. She stood there looking a little puzzled. "What?" I was too tired to snap the question.

"You don't seem capable of such… evil." Tiffany responded softly, still puzzled.

"I was under the Sorceress Ultimecia's control for most of it," I said. _What is with this chick?_

"Ah. That explains it." She nodded and her smile returned. "Looking for something in particular?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Just my friend."

"What friend is that?" She was pretending to hide her amusement.

Now I wrinkled my forehead. "My friend Squall. Twenty years old, dark hair, always scowling, has a scar on his forehead." She knew Squall, probably had just talked to him. If I didn't like her, I'd think she was keeping him hostage. _Or… in bondage._ I couldn't help it. I laughed, despite my worry. "Where is he?" I mock-growled.

I didn't faze her. "In the back room, drinking coffee. Go on back," she said. I was already on my way.

SQUALL:

"Squall?" Seifer stepped through the black velvet curtain separating the back room from the store.

"Seifer! What are you doing here?" I jumped out of my seat, barely preventing my coffee from splashing.

"Looking for you." He walked into the room, looking at the tattooing equipment Tiff had set up. "Nice," He nodded approvingly. "I like her, y'know."

"Who, Tiff_?" Weird conversation. He barges in here obviously worried about me, and now is acting normal._ It _was_ an act. 

"Yup. What does she do, read auras or something?" He wasn't serious about auras, but he was curious.

I laughed, trying to imagine Tiff spouting off about someone's aura while circling them in her black boots and favorite leopard-print miniskirt. "No, she's just good at figuring out personalities by how a person moves and talks. She's amazing. I've never seen her proven wrong." I stopped, looking at Seifer. He was staring at me. I looked down at myself. _Did I actually spill coffee on me or something?_ Nope. *Probably the outfit.* I silently cheered, feeling tingles running down my back. _He's staring like he's never seen me before. _"What?" I wanted to tease him a bit.

"Uh, unusual clothing for you."

I shrugged. "Not really. You wouldn't know, would you?" _Fuck! I didn't mean to sound like a prick! _"Sorry! I didn't mean it like that!" Too late. I saw the hurt look in his eyes before he turned.

"Need a ride back to Balamb?"

"Please."

Seifer nodded and went back out the curtain. I set my mug down on the counter and followed. He continued walking and waited outside the shop's door. "Thanks, Tiff," I wrapped my arms around her.

"That last comment wasn't very nice."

I winced. "I know." She pulled away and looked at me, gently trailing a finger down the scar Seifer made.

"He's a good man," she said softly. "Deep inside. And afraid. Just like you. Tell him." She finished firmly.

"Does he care about me?" I needed to know.

"You know he cares. Does he love you? You need to discover that for yourself." I searched her face. _Damn. She knows how to hide what you're looking for._ I sighed.

"Thanks, Tiff. See ya later." I gave her a kiss on her cheek. "Love ya."

"Love ya, too." We waved as I walked out.


	14. Swimming

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. Seifie in his boxers… mmm…. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 14: SWIMMING

SQUALL:

We silently walked through Balamb, Seifer walking quickly and I half-running to keep up. I decided to break the silence by apologizing again. "I really didn't mean it like that."

He slowed down. "Yeah, well…" he cleared his throat, "I should apologize for saying all that shit to you. I'm- we are all- concerned about you. I'm not in the position to be telling you all that. Hyne knows we haven't been the best of friends."

"Not since the orphanage," I specified. We strolled along for awhile, me wondering about what position he thought he was in. Seifer broke the silence after a while.

Suddenly he chuckled. "Remember that one day at the orphanage when we became friends and threw spiders at Quistis and Selphie?"

I laughed. "Yeah, and Selphie was jumping and dancing all over the place. Quistis just stood there trying to calm her down."

"They got us back, y'know. Dumping buckets of wet sand over our heads." Seifer was grinning.

I smiled too. "Matron was so annoyed." We had just passed the drug store when I remembered the things I needed. "Hey, wait. I gotta go in here."

"Kay." He said, stopping and pulling out some money from his wallet. "Get me some gum? Cinnamon?"

I took the money, "That's the best kind. Be right back." He nodded and sat on a bench, propping his arms along the back of it. I entered the drug store picking up the shampoo, razor blades, aftershave, and gum. On a whim, I selected a classic car racing vid from the rental rack. I went to the counter, paid, and went out the door.

Seifer was still sitting on the bench. Arms outstretched and head tilted back with eyes closed. I said next to him, his arm barely touching the backs of my shoulders. It feels so right, I thought, leaning back slightly.

Seifer opened his eyes. "Whatcha get?" He grabbed the brown paper bag holding my purchases from me. I was disappointed when he brought his arm away to sort through the contents. "Razor blades?!"

"Not for that," I said, shaking my head. I had to reach up to move my bangs back from my eyes. 

He looked at me. "I don't want to have to confiscate these," he warned. "Okay," I agreed. He plopped the package of blades back in the bag, pulling out the gum. "Change?" he asked, holding his other hand palm up.

"My tip," I teased. Seifer gave a pretend growl, and I rolled my eyes. "That is so not scary," I said, faking a yawn.

"Fine. I'll just have to hold something of yours hostage." He extracted the vid. "Ah hah! One of my favorites! I guess I have something to watch tonight."

"Gimme that! Besides, there are no vidscreens in guest rooms!" He held it just out of my reach, grinning. I pouted my lips and pretended to sulk. _Yeah, I know I'm flirting. But he is too!_ "I was going to let you watch it with me, but…" I trailed off.

"Okay, fine," he said, offering the vid and brown bag back to me. "Let's get back to the car."

"Shotgun!" I cried unnecessarily while I began running to the car. We raced to the edge of Balamb.

SEIFER:

On out way back to Balamb, I thought about the walk back through town_. That flirting was pretty fun. I think Squall knew I was flirting, too._ I felt his presence in the passenger seat. The smell emanating from him was quietly reassuring. _Hyne, it's so nice to just be able to play with Squall. It's nice to be friends. Though, I would like to be more. Much more._ Those clothes he was wearing that clung to his form made me horny. My thoughts turned less friendly and more sexual. _God. He is just so beautiful._ The hope I had felt while teasing him had made my heart flutter even while twisting it in agony. The agony that Squall would never want me or love me.

I looked from the corner of my eye at him. He was looking out the window watching the light blue waves roaring up onto the sand then slowing flowing back. I pulled over and turned off the engine. "Huh? Why are we stopping?" Squall asked.

I opened the door and stepped out onto the green grass. Squall got out and followed me as I walked down toward the beach. "Why did we stop?" he demanded.

When I reached the sand I pulled off my shoes and socks. "Going swimming," I said, avoiding Squall's gray eyes as I took off my jeans. I hesitated before removing my shirt. It's either Squall sees my scars or all of the Garden does. I can't enter the Garden with a soaking wet shirt. Leaving my clothes in a pile on some driftwood, I ran toward the water, whooping. It was the closest to freedom and joy I had felt in many years.

My progress became slower as I got knee-deep then waist-deep in the ocean. At mid-chest I ducked under and started swimming. _Goose-bumps,_ I thought. _They'll go away in a few minutes._ The sea was chilly, but not really cold. I swam for as long as I could hold my breath, reveling in the feeling of weightlessness and liberty.

SQUALL:

I got a sudden chill when Seifer went underwater. He left his clothes here, so he must be coming back. After counting to a minute I began stripping, even removing my jewelry, until I, too, was standing my boxer shorts. I ran toward where the blond man had disappeared, hardly even shivering when my flesh hit the water. I dove under and opened my eyes, peering through the stirred-up sand that clouded the water, trying to find Seifer.

Eventually, I had to break the surface for lungfuls of air. When I did, I felt water hit the back of my head. I turned, getting a splash directly in my face. After blinking away the water I saw Seifer grinning at me. The salt water in clouding my vision gave the impression of rainbows circling his head.

I splashed back at him, "Dammit, you had me scared. How long can you hold your damn breath?"

"Two minutes and twelve seconds," he said, still grinning. He readied himself to splash me again when I lunged at him, trying to dunk his head underwater. This began a wrestling match that lasted until we were both tired out.

Finally, leaned back, floating belly-up in the water. Seifer did the same, and I let my thoughts wander. Enjoying the peace of the ocean and how amazing it felt just to loosen up and horse around. I had missed out on a lot of my childhood. I remembered the feeling of Seifer's wet, slick skin. _No, don't think of that!_ I struggled to think of something else.

"'Bout time for us to get back to Garden for dinner." Seifer's voice seemed to boom over the natural sounds of the waves and birds. Neither of us moved.

"Guess so," I sighed reluctantly, sinking my legs back down into the deeper water. I began swimming back to the shore. He did the same alongside.

He got out of the water first, goose-bumps rising on his skin from the breeze that began. I rose after, shaking my hair like a puppy, sending droplets flying in all directions.

"No peeking," Seifer said, grinning and turning his back. He pulled off his shorts and started wringing them out. I stood staring at his back; torso tapering down to his hips, his butt, thighs all pale and muscular. _Oh my god._I stood still, watching the movements of his hands and arms affect the display of muscles in my view. With a final wring, he lifted a leg, preparing to don the boxers again. I turned and did the same, wringing the salty water from my garment, imagining (or not imagining, I hoped in my mind) feeling his eyes studying my back in turn. I was still slightly blushing when I turned, back in the safety of my shorts. With some dismay, Seifer was fully dressed. He must have been dressing and not looking. I hid my disappointment, and pulled the rest of my clothes on my still-damp body. I realized, walking back to the car, that he hadn't given me enough time to study his chest. He mentioned earlier that there were scars on his chest too. _Is he embarrassed about them?_ Probably. I was about my scars. _He always hides his arms with long-sleeves. His are too big to hide with bracelets._

We both took our seats in the car without saying anything else. He turned up the radio the rest of the way back, silence returning only when we entered the garage. I cleared my throat. "Thanks for stopping the car back there. I actually had fun." He turned to me, noting the slight smile on my face and returning it. "Yeah, me too. I actually felt kinda free out there. I haven't felt free since before the last war." We turned away from each other and opened our doors. I reached back in to grab the bag before slamming the door shut.

I yawned. "I'm tired now."

"Me too," Seifer repeated, yawning also.

"Yawns are contagious," I said, smiling. "Wanna grab dinner with me and go watch the vid in my room?"

He nodded. "I'm just gonna change first."

"Okay. I'll head to the cafeteria and grab a tray on my way to my room. Anything specific you want me to get for you?"

"Nah. Thanks, though. Would anyone else be interested in the movie?"

I thought. "Zell said he'd be with Neria tonight, and the girls aren't interested in racing flicks."

We had reached the path to the cafeteria. "Alright. See ya at your room in a few minutes." We waved and he continued on to the elevator.


	15. Dinner

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 15: DINNER

SEIFER:

I bit back my excitement until I was safely alone in the elevator. Then I hopped a little bit. "YES!!" _Squall flirted with me and I could feel him checking me out at the beach. I think he actually is interested in me!_ My heart was beating wildly, and I let myself beam happily. _What a day._ I went from extreme sadness and depression to extreme happiness and elation! I had to swallow the urge to tee-hee like Selphie. It would not be good for a man of my appearance and reputation to giggle like a schoolgirl. _Selph may pull it off, but there's no way I can._

I walked down the hall and unlocked my door. After closing it, I went into the bathroom and quickly jumped in and out of the shower. In my bedroom I rooted through my clothes, laying my small collection on my bed and going over possible combinations in my head. I decided on my favorite ass-flattering faded jeans and a dark red, short-sleeved T-shirt over a tight dark-gray long-sleeved shirt. I looked at myself from every angle in the mirror like a teenage girl going on her first date. _Okay. I think this is okay. Casual enough for watching a vid, but tight enough to show off my body. Alright._ My stomach felt a little jumpy. _Chill, man. Hyne, I can't believe that he invited me to be alone with him! Maybe he does actually like me!* _"Don't get your hopes up, Almasy," I growled to myself. _God! Squall can make me feel like a teenager with a crush._

Mentally checking to see if I was missing anything, I walked out into the living room. _Nope, got everything. _I went into the hallway, locked the door, slid the card-key in my back pocket, and started toward the elevator.

SQUALL:

I prowled the living room, straightening pillows and picking up fallen magazines_. Let's see… the vid's ready, the food's here, anything else?_ I couldn't think of anything, so I paced back and forth; my pseudo-leather pants I was wearing earlier whispering softly. I had changed into one of my loose white T-shirts and replaced the hoop earrings with normal studs. I heard a knock. I spun around, waited a second, and opened the door. Seifer stood there. "Hey," he said.

"Hey, come in," Seifer entered the room. I inhaled his scent as he walked past me, then closed the door. _Man, he has a great ass. _The faded and frayed jeans he wore showed his butt to every advantage. "Um, dinner's right there on the coffee table. Do you want to watch the vid while we eat?"

"Nah. We can talk first."

"Okay." My heart was pounding. _Talk? About what?_ I wasn't sure how long I could keep talking coherently. I sat on the sofa and Seifer followed my example. I pulled the coffee table a little closer. "What do you want to talk about?"

The blonde thought. "I just wanted to apologize, again, for being such a prick. The point to what I was saying didn't come out how I wanted it." He stabbed some teriyaki chicken with a fork and chewed for a bit.

"I managed to figure out that I should talk to the friends I have instead of cutting on myself, right? And that I'm a lucky bastard because I have the aforementioned friends, a family, hero-worship, and command of the Garden. Did I miss anything?" I said, curtly. _Okay, I am still a little pissed off at him._

SEIFER:

I winced at Squall's tone. Still a sensitive subject. Well, it did happen yesterday. "Nope, you got it." _Tell him now? Not while he's still annoyed at me._

He nodded slightly. "Y'know, you should take your own advice."

"With what friends? I pretty much dropped all contact with Rai and Fu. I never made friends while I was moving around, hiding. The Shumi act superior all the time. I really didn't have a choice."

"What about your scars?"

"I tried to kill myself a few times. Once with a gun to my chest, a few times with a knife. The last time was a month ago in Esthar. I thought I was ready. But someone picked me up and took me to a clinic." 

Squall looked at me in the eyes. He looked sad. "Shit. You've had such a rough time."

__

He's really listening. I guess, even after bawling to Selphie, that I needed to talk about the lowest points of the past three years. "Yeah. Mostly bad. I grew out my hair so that more people wouldn't recognize me. I dyed it sometimes. I kept traveling, getting odd jobs in the larger cities to get money. Lived off the land a lot. Not too many people wanted me in their village, nobody wanted me in their house. I was chased out of some towns." I looked down at my hands. "Everyone hates me." I wasn't crying, but tears did begin to flood my vision.

"Not everyone," Squall said quietly. I didn't look up. _Don't get your hopes up, Almasy._ "Look at me, Seifer," he gently pleaded. My blood seemed to sing when he spoke my name like that, but I shook my head, too ashamed to let him see me like this. To let him see me crying and weak again. I studied my hands, blinking rapidly to keep the tears in my eyes.

His hands came into my vision. Tentatively, Squall laid them on mine. I stiffened_. Don't tease me like this!_ "Look at me." His tone was softly commanding. I did, staring at his gray, gray eyes. He looked into mine seriously. "I don't hate you."

Hyne, it was so tempting to just lean forward and capture his lips with mine. The tears spilled out, pushed over the edge by my hopeless desires. My shame was hidden beneath the other emotional anguish I was feeling. _I'm so fucked up. Nobody likes me, everyone hates me._ Mostly the thought that Squall would never love me ran through my head, blazing like a neon sign. Each imaginary flash burned in my chest. I cried harder, forgetting everything besides the breaking of my heart.

SQUALL:

My chest constricted while I watched Seifer sob_. I want to comfort him. How? Besides… that. Get your mind out of the gutter Leonhart!_ Instead, I just pulled his bowed head onto my shoulder. My sleeve was damp in seconds. I snaked my arm around his back and rested my cheek on his hair. A few tears of my own fell on his head.

*****

Eventually his breath evened and the tears stopped. We sat there for a while holding each other. Despite the sympathy and pain I felt for him, and the cramping from sitting in one position too long, I felt peaceful and safe.

"Since I've embarrassed myself already," Seifer began, "I might as well tell you now." He sat up, wiping the dried salt from his face. _He still hates me. He's angry at me for holding him. He's going to take back his apologies._ A million bad things ran through my head. I shifted my position and looked back at his reddened eyes. 

"What?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"Squall, I…" he frowned thoughtfully, taking a deep breath. I waited. "I remember what made us stop being friends when we were little."

"What happened?"

"I… I told you that I loved you and you shoved me onto the ground and we started fighting." The tops of his ears turned red.

I thought, closing my eyes and straining to remember. Slowly, like a developing photograph, it came back to me.

__

The field. We were playing… soldier, I think. Seifer sat next to me with his eyebrows kinda scrunched together, which meant that he was thinking. "You're my best friend, Squall." I looked at him, "You're my best friend, too, Seifer." He ran his finger through a patch of dirt. "I think I love you."

I stared at him. Love. That was what Sis told me she did. That's what parents told their kids in books. That's what I felt when I dreamed that I had parents. That's what I felt for Seifer. But everyone who loved me had left. Seifer must be leaving too. I stood and he did too. I shoved him back down. "No you don't! No you don't!" I screamed that over and over, beating him with my fists and kicking with my feet. Seifer just lay there, trying to protect himself without hurting me. His wide-open eyes shone with hurt. Matron finally separated us and he had bruises for weeks. I avoided him, ignoring his apologies, turning away when he came close. I still saw his eyes anyway. The hurt in them hardened over time into something else…anger? Contempt?

I kept my eyes closed for a moment, feeling barbed guilt run through me. _I made Seifer that way. I am responsible for him acting mean and arrogant and being a Sorceress' Knight._ I shuddered, afraid to open my eyes. When I did, he was peering up at me fearfully. _No words can change the past. But maybe it can make him feel better. What can I say, though?_ I thought. 

"Seifer… I am so sorry." I wiped tears from my eyes, recalling the puzzled hurt that little Seifer had held in his.

"What? You don't need to be sorry. It's my fault."

I shook my head, "No it isn't. When you told me you loved me I got scared that you were going to leave me. My parents and Sis-" I choked. _My turn to cry now. What a couple of babies we are. Oh, well, may as well tell him. _"I didn't want anyone else that I loved to leave." 

I tried to control myself while Seifer turned that over in his mind. When he looked back up at me with understanding, I had stopped everything except the silent tears still dripping. "Seifer… I loved you, too. You were my best friend; even when I had forgotten that we had been friends, I still cared about you." I took a breath. "After time compression I got more depressed. Everyone thought you'd died. It was like… I would never be happy again. I know it's a sappy cliché, but some of me died when you never appeared." I glanced again at his face. He was still listening and thinking. "Seifer-" I paused. _I think my heart is shattering. And I haven't even told him yet! _"Seifer…" I was scared. My mouth felt dry and my palms felt damp. I wiped them on my pants before grasping one of his. "I still love you. Only just not as a friend, but…" I trailed off, blushing and feeling ashamed and stupid. Yet while my mind gave up all as lost, my heart hoped. _Hope, hope, hope, hope,_ my pulse seemed to be saying, as I held my breath waiting for his anger.

SEIFER:

Everything he said made sense. His fears about people leaving, and still caring for him after forgetting they had been friends once_. I always felt the same way. Not knowing why until the memories came back._ I felt a cold, steely stab of guilt when he told me about thinking I was dead. I nearly keeled over at what he did next.

"Seifer-" He swallowed nervously. "Seifer," I felt his hands clasping mine. My heart leapt. "I still love you. Only not just as a friend, but…" I nearly keeled over on the spot. _Hyne! Holy Hyne!_ I watched the back of his neck turn red. My heart nearly beat itself out of my chest.

I put two fingers under his chin and raised his head. I studied his face as he sat silent_. Oh, God! He really does!_ He sat there, motionless, fear and naked hope shining in his gray eyes. _…So beautiful. _I did the only thing I could do. I pulled him against my chest. Stroking his soft, brown hair, I answered his unspoken question. "I love you, too."

__

(Author's Note: Awwww! Pardon the OOC-ness, but it is just so cute!)


	16. Together

Author notes:  
I don't own any of these characters. You can still send me money. Please? (j/k) Send me an email if you liked/hated it. Just keep in mind that I am a person with feelings and pepper spray. ~Kaerith

CHAPTER 16: TOGETHER

SQUALL:

I sobbed in relief when he said that, burying my nose in his shirt and wrapping my arms around him. Seifer clutched me against him, crying himself. I was so filled with relief that I only have heard what he was murmuring into my hair. Calling me beautiful, perfect. Saying how much he had hoped and wished, never thinking I could ever love him back. Saying he'd never leave me, never hurt me, again.

When I stopped crying I reluctantly pulled away from him, wiping the last of my tears away. I gazed into his green eyes. Seifer cupped my cheek in his callused palm and leaned forward slowly. I circled my arms around his neck and parted my lips.

When our lips met, liquid fire rippled down my body. I was intensely aware of his lips and hands, one on my jaw, the other on the small of my back. I snuggled against him without breaking the kiss, deepening it. Our tongues met and danced, running over teeth and exploring. Seifer broke the kiss. Still holding me close he asked, "Are you sure? You can back out now, and I'll go back to my room."

"You said you wouldn't leave!" I clung to him, my childhood fears surfacing.

Seifer stroked my hair. "Only if you want me to. I just don't want to be responsible for what happens tonight if you change your mind. "My anxiety eased. "I'll be responsible for what happens tonight," I said with a smile.

Seifer's answer was to kiss me. This kiss was even better than the last; flavored with his love, relief, and passion. I squeezed my eyes tighter and replied wordlessly. His hands roamed my back, my hair, my chest. I ran a hand through his hair and stroked his cheek with the other.

Time stopped. I couldn't think. I just felt. We broke apart and looked at each other.

"C'mere," Seifer said, leaning back against the arm of the sofa and putting his feet on the coffee table. I slid next to him, putting my head on his shoulder. He draped his left arm around me while I held his right hand. "Tired?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Me too. Bawling always wears me out." He kicked off his shoes. "Go to sleep, Squall. I'll be here when you wake up." _He will._ I trusted him. I nuzzled my head against his shirt and closed my eyes.

QUISTIS:

Where is Seifer? My car was back in the garage, so he was around Garden someplace. I went to Zell's dormitory. The door was unlocked. I opened it enough to stick my head through. There was Seifer, eyes closed, holding Squall who was also sleeping. Smiling, I tiptoed to get a blanket from Squall's bed and draped it over them. I stood for a moment, noting the slight smile each had. I went into the hallway and locked the door behind me. I sighed. _Finally. _I walked down the quiet hallway, turning down the lights. Tomorrow was another day.


	17. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

SEIFER:

I woke up slowly. The first thing I saw was Squall Leonhart's tousled hair. I looked at the clock. Seven. I shrugged my shoulder a little. "Squall? Time to wake up." He opened his eyes, smiling when he saw me.

"I knew you would still be here."

"Morning, sweetie," The endearment made his smile widen. I kissed his forehead, and gently pushed him up. I stood and yawned, raising my arms above my head. Squall looked at the skin of my belly I had exposed. "Can I see your scars, Seifer?" he asked softly.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Why?" I asked while I pulled off both shirts. I fidgeted a bit while he looked at my chest and arms. The scars contributed to why I thought Squall wouldn't love me. They were proof of my depression and despair.

"Why were you afraid of letting me see them?"

I shrugged. "I thought you wouldn't love me after I showed you how much I hate myself."

He stepped closer, removing his cuffs. "You still love me despite these, right?" He displayed the white lines.

"Of course I do."

"Why wouldn't I feel the same way?" He raised a hand to my bullet scar, tracing the scar lightly with a finger before kissing it. My nipples hardened as he covered every scar with kisses, as if the touch of his lips could heal them They did, in a way. In my imagination I saw the scars disappear and felt lighter. I gently lifted his wrists to my lips and kissed them away.

SELPHIE:

I sat down with Quistis and Zell. "Hey, Zelly, where's Squall?"

"I dunno," he said between bites of sausage. "And don't call me that!"

"You know!" I declared, pointing at Quistis. She wiped off her smirk and feigned innocence.

"Why would I know, Selph?"

"Here they come," Zell said. I turned. Squall and Seifer were walking over to the table. I squealed when I saw they were holding hands.

"You two finally got together!" I danced happily. "I knew you'd make a cute couple!"

"Wha-" Zell's eyes widened as he spit out chewed waffle. "This is a surprise to me."

I patted Zell on the head. "Poor Zell. Don't like the waffles?"

Seifer smirked. "Go back to eating your wieners, Chicken."

"I'll leave that to you two, thanks." Zell teased. "But don't call me Chicken!"

"I'll try, Chi-" Seifer's response was interrupted by Squall's lips. Instead, he closed his eyes and kissed back.

"WOOO-HOOO!" I yelled, and danced around. Quisty and Zell joined in my cheering. I noticed we had the attention of the whole cafeteria once again.

"Love you, Squall."

"Love you, too… Kevin."

*****

Author's Notes:  
This is the Revised Version of "B2B." Revised meaning that I now coded everything into HTML (like I've been saying, I'm slowly but surely become master of all things HTML) and made a couple spelling and punctuation corrections. I hope you enjoyed my story. Please, please, please send me any comments and criticism. Muchas gracias.  
Again, I beg your forgiveness for the OOC-ness and bad story/chapter titles. ~Kaerith


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